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notiddygothgf · 3 months ago

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2. Dance With Me

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ Jealous? ❞ ❝ Maybe I am. ❞

★ c.w.: suggestive themes, drinking (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: ik i said id have an uploading schedule but UGH I JUST COULDNT LEAVE THIS OFF WITHOUT AN AKI/READER INTERACTION. this chapter is so deliciously tense im ngl i was ripping my shirt off like a werewolf god i love writing aki. anyway comment! like! interact w me and the story, it might encourage me to write more for u pookies ;)

★ w.c.;6.2k

shameless ; chapter index

THE PARTY WAS ALREADY in full swing by the time you arrived, the soft hum of conversation and the clinking of glasses filling the elegant hall. The Public Safety event was more formal than you had expected, with everyone dressed in sleek, sophisticated attire. You smoothed down the black slip dress you had picked up from the mall a few hours before.

Your friend was easy to spot, already a bit tipsy in a black dress shirt and slacks, her laughter echoing above the crowd. She waved you over to the bar, her eyes bright with excitement. As you approached, you noticed a familiar blonde sitting next to him.

A man with a scar on his face. Kishibe.

That bastard.

"You made it!" Himeno exclaimed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into a half-hug. "I was starting to think you bailed on me."

"I came for the drinks," you teased with a smile, glancing around the room. "Looks like everyone from Public Safety is here."

"Yeah, it's quite the turnout," Himeno said, taking another sip of her drink. "Come on, let me get you something. What'll it be?"

"Just a glass of wine, thanks," you said, leaning against the bar as Himeno signaled the bartender. You scanned the room, noting the familiar faces of colleagues and higher-ups mingling together, their expressions ranging from relaxed to intensely focused, depending on their conversations.

And then there he was again – over at the other side of the room, chatting it up with a younger-looking guy with orange hair. Your apparent favorite Devil Hunter, clad in a Public Safety suit and slacks. He looked just about as thrilled to be here as you were, eyes dim and uninterested in whatever it was that the other boy was saying. His arms were folded behind his back.

He looked... rather dashing. You could see why Himeno had her eyes on him.

Quickly, you averted your eyes, turning your attention to your old coworker. "Kishibe," You put on your best smile. "How have you been?"

He grinned – it was a little unnerving, as on the rare occasion Kishibe did smile, it usually wasn't a good thing. "Good, kid. You been staying alive?"

"Yeah, I've been living," you replied, accepting the glass of red wine Himeno handed you. There was a brief moment of silence, during which you took your first sip of the crimson liquid in your glass – tart.

"I fuckin' hate this song," Yoshida said, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He propped his chin up on his hand, eyes flitting over to Himeno. "Wanna dance?"

A few Devil Hunters had already found their way to the dance floor, swaying to the beat of the music. Himeno eyed them up precariously.

"I was gonna wait for Aki to get over here. See if I could get him out there with me," She sighed. The orange cocktail pinched between her fingers swished around as she slid the glass back and forth. "Maybe she'll dance with 'ya?"

"Pass. I just got here," you said, taking a sip of your wine. The rich, fruity flavor was a pleasant distraction from the icky feeling in your gut – the one that had begun to brew when you saw him standing over there.

Himeno smiled, "Here he comes now."

You followed her gaze. Aki had long since left his friend at the edge of the dancefloor, and was now making his way over to the bar with that unreadable, solemn expression he always seemed to have. He was walking your way.

No. Himeno. He was walking towards her, you reminded yourself.

It didn't feel that way, though. Not when he was looking right at you.

Shit. He is walking towards me. You grabbed Kishibe by the sleeve. Suddenly, a dance seemed like a great idea. "You know what? Let's go!"

Kishibe whisked you away from the bar, his grip firm yet gentle. You glanced back at the scene you had left behind. Himeno smiled at Aki, but his eyes seemed to be tailing you.

"Didn't peg you for a dancer," you teased, trying to push thoughts of Aki from your mind as Kishibe led you into the rhythm of the song – and really, it was a terrible song. Some sappy love song from the 80s.

Kishibe smirked, a rare expression on his usually stoic face. "There's a lot you don't know about me," he replied, his voice low. The light seemed to reflect off of his face in such a way that he looked more tired than usual – the years had clearly taken their toll on him.

"Oh, do tell," you shot back, raising an eyebrow.

He chuckled, his grip on your hand tightening slightly as he twirled you around. "Let's just say I've picked up a few things over the years."

"Color me impressed," You retorted. It was easy to forget the tension when you were laughing, even if it was just for a moment.

"You're not bad yourself," Kishibe admitted, guiding you through the steps with surprising grace.

"Years of practice," you replied with a smile. "Mind your feet around me, though."

Despite the lively atmosphere, you couldn't shake the sensation of Aki's gaze lingering on you. Every spin, every step, you felt it—a tangible thread of tension that kept drawing you back to the bar, to him. Kishibe's presence was a welcome distraction, his steady demeanor and occasional wry comments grounding you, but even then, your thoughts kept drifting back to him.

Before you knew it, the song had ended. You laughed, carefree, light, free, and clapped Kishibe on the shoulder.

"That wasn't so bad, actually," You admitted.

"Thanks for dancin' with me," Kishibe chuckled before straightening up and heading off toward the restrooms. "I'm going to take a leak."

And then he was moving away, moving towards the entrance at the front of the room.

You turned back toward the bar, your eyes scanning the crowd until they found Hayakawa. He hadn't moved, much to your chagrin. He was still there, his eyes fixed on you. The sight of him sent a jolt of anticipation through you, a mix of curiosity and something deeper, something you weren't quite ready to acknowledge. More importantly, Himeno wasn't there.

Making your way back to the bar, you couldn't help but feel the weight of his gaze intensify with each step. The distance between you seemed to shrink, the room around you fading into the background. As you approached, you braced yourself, your heart pounding in your chest.

You had his attention and he most certainly had yours.

You took a seat next to him at the bar. Though, honestly, it wasn't really next to him – you had been sure to allow one empty seat between the both of you. You told yourself it was so that Himeno would have somewhere to sit (next to her eye candy). A more dishonorable part of you felt as if that one empty seat would act as a barrier of sorts, a wall between you and him, between your thoughts and the man who seemed to occupy them.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched him tug back his sleeve, glancing down at a watch. Was he waiting for Himeno?

"Where'd she run off to?" You asked, finally breaking the agonizing silence between the two of you.

He turned to you with an unreadable expression, brows furrowed. "Who?"

Who? Is this guy serious? You thought, but chose not to voice said thoughts.

"Himeno," You clarified.

"Oh," He answered, "The bathroom, I think."

A man of many words.

You cleared your throat, glancing down at your lap for a brief moment before making eye contact with him again – a task that proved to be far more difficult than it would have seemed. "Lieutenant Captain Hayakawa, right?" When he nodded, you extended your hand towards him, introducing yourself by name once more.

"Yes, from the Kyoto sector. I remember you," He deadpanned, as if that much should have been obvious. Clearly, he hadn't forgotten your meeting on the train, and had no interest in pretending as if this was the first time the two of you had ever laid eyes upon one another. "We met on the train. What are you doing here?"

"If you're talking about Tokyo, then I was called in by Makima for backup," You sighed. Absentmindedly, you drummed your fingers against the bar countertop. There was only you, Aki, the bartender, and the other four patrons of said bar there. "If you're talking about here– this party, then I only came because Himeno invited me. The open bar's a plus, too."

"She invited me, too," He replied. He didn't sound too happy that such had occurred.

I know.

You chuckled, "Not a big party guy?"

"Definitely not," He agreed. "You?"

"I used to be, once upon a time," You smiled. "I think it was the drinks that used to liven me up, though. I don't remember parties always being so..." You trailed off, moving your hands as if you were trying to find the right words to say.

"Disappointing?" He finished for you.

"Yeah," You felt yourself laugh a little. "I guess. I feel like they can be overwhelming, sometimes. I'm too sober to party these days."

"Couldn't agree more," He sighed. The bartender – from whom, apparently, the man had already ordered a something-and-coke – placed a glass full of dark brown liquid in front of him. "Can I get you something to drink? We can fix that problem."

You waved him off – how would it look, after all, if you were seen getting drunk on another man's dime when you had a husband waiting for you at home? "Don't spend your money on me, I probably won't be here long."

"What's your vice?" He asked, eyes glinting with something you couldn't place. "Beer? Liquor? Dark or Light?"

You couldn't fight the toothy grin that crawled over your lips, "Wine, if you must know."

"What kind?" He asked.

"Red."

Without wasting another moment, he asked the blond bartender for a glass of Merlot. He uncapped a bottle of red wine. He poured you half of a glass, placing it in front of your trembling hands.

You turned to the young Captain, brow quirked, gripping the stem of the red liquid.

"You tried it before?" He asked. When you nodded, he continued, a peculiar tone following his words, "I've heard it's pretty tasty."

Tasty. God.

Married woman! Remind him.

"I have it at dinner with my husband sometimes," You answered easily, taking a calm, calculated sip of the wine. Good,you thought. Mention your husband. That should make him back off. "Pairs well with steak."

"Is he here with you tonight?" He asked.

You felt your eyes widen. "No, he's in Kyoto..." you muttered, taking a few more much-needed chugs of the wine.

He hummed. If he thought something about that, he didn't say anything. "The wine matches your lipstick."

He's looking at my lips.

The empty seat between the two of you felt a little smaller – like his buttery-smooth voice was drawing you in, enticing you to tell him things you knew you shouldn't say. Before you could open your mouth to tell him something along the lines of, "I really should get going now. Bye!", you were interrupted by the one person you really didn't want to see after making goo-goo eyes at Captain Hayakawa.

"Hiya," Himeno greeted the two of you, plopping down on the stool between you and Hayakawa. "What are we talking about over here?"

Hayakawa answered smoothly as the words died on your lips, eyes never once leaving your face. "We were just bonding over a mutual distaste for parties."

She rolled her eyes, throwing an arm around you, "Don't worry. She'll liven up as soon as she gets a few drinks in her system. She used to be the life of the party."

"That's an exaggeration," You shook your head.

"Hardly," She retorted. "Back in the day, she could outdrink anyone, including me."

You took a few more sips of your wine.

Hayakawa pulled his drink up to his mouth, "I find that hard to believe."

"I'm being serious," She reaffirmed. She was about to say something else when a hand on her shoulder interrupted her – it belonged to an older looking man in a black tuxedo. Her eyes widened with recognition.

"Can I steal you away for a moment?" He asked her, voice gruff.

"Of course!" She smiled, bright as always. She turned to you apologetically before rising from her seat, "Sorry, I'll be back later."

Then it was just the two of you again – you and Hayakawa, whose gaze was so heavy that you felt as if you were suffocating beneath it.

"Can you really outdrink her?" He asked. "She's got a liver of steel."

"Damn right she does!" You laughed – really laughed, this time. "Seven-eight years ago? Yes. Now, I'm not so sure."

Something in his gaze shifted at the sound of it. He leaned closer, inching towards the empty seat, the unspoken line between you and him. "Finish up your wine, then. Let's test that theory."

"Is that a challenge?" You asked him.

"Maybe," Hayakawa said, a faint smirk playing on his lips. The tension between you was thick, almost electric. "What if I don't believe you?"

"I don't know," you hesitated, glancing at your nearly empty wine glass. "I probably should head home soon."

"We'll be fast," he assured, his eyes locked on yours.

"I don't know about that," you replied, looking in the direction Himeno had gone. "Himeno can talk for a while. God knows when she'll be back."

"Forget about her, then," he said, his voice low and smooth, bringing you back to the present – where it was just you and him, only a foot apart, speaking quietly. "Drink with me."

His boldness made your heart flutter. "Right now?" you asked, trying to steady your voice.

"Yes," he said, leaning closer, the smirk still lingering. "Unless you're forfeiting the match?"

He had you there. You couldn't back down from a challenge, not when he was looking at you like... that.

What would your husband think? A part of you resented him just a little bit for taking you away from that lifestyle, from this, but you were still married. You had to do right by him.

Still, it wasn't like you were actively doing anything wrong. It was just a drink.

So, deciding to follow through on your mission to 'loosen up a little', you downed the rest of your wine. "Alright," You sighed. "But we're taking tequila shots. I want this to be quick."

"Fine," he agreed, his smirk widening.

You called the blond bartender over again and asked for six shots of tequila. He set down six small glasses, pouring a shot of clear liquid into each of them. He garnished each of the six glasses with a lime wedge.

You leaned over the empty seat, sliding three of the glasses over to him.

"Here's how I used to do them," you said, placing salt on the back of your hand. "You lick it," you instructed, holding your hand out to him. "And then you take the shot, then suck on the lime."

He hesitated for a moment before leaning in, his tongue flicking out to taste the salt on your skin. The muscle was hot and wet, drawing a line from your knuckles to your wrist. Perhaps it was the warmth of his mouth on your hand, or the way he peered up at you through his half-lidded eyes and lowered lashes so shamelessly. Perhaps it was the wine in your system doing its work already. Either way, you couldn't help the heat that spread over your neck and your face – the stir in your chest that you tried to ignore.

It's just a shot. You quickly salted your own hand and licked it, trying to focus. You clinked glasses with him, and together you downed the shots, immediately sucking on the lime wedges.

Both of you winced at the strong taste, but you couldn't help but laugh at the face he made. You could feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading through you immediately. It could have been that, or the way he was looking at you with those pretty blue eyes of his, but you felt different.

"Not so tough now, huh?" You teased.

He licked the remnants of the lime juice off of his lips.

Oh. Oh. He's dangerous.

"Don't be so sure of yourself. Only one shot down," He replied, reaching for the second shot already. "Two more to go, right?"

This time, when you clinked your glass against his, it felt an awful lot like you were sealing your fate. You tilted your head back, and then the tequila burned its way down your throat – searing hot, like his mouth had felt against the back of your hand, like his eyes had felt on your red-tinted lips. .

The next shots flew by in a blur of laughter. By the time you took your fifth, it was clear that you couldn't hold your liquor as well as you used to. The room felt warmer, the lights a little brighter, and your inhibitions significantly lower. Dangerously lower.

Somewhere along the way, he crossed the unspoken line and moved a seat closer to you. Somewhere along the way, you put your hand on his knee, hunched over, shoulders shaking with laughter – and still, no sign of Himeno.

"That's ridiculous," You said. "All of that for some sliced bread?"

"12 different kinds of jam. Wasted." Hayakawa deadpanned. "That's what I've been trying to tell you, he's fucking ridiculous."

"That's not so bad," You added. (Trying to play the devil's advocate, as always), "Did he clean up after himself, at least?"

"Denji's not so bad with that. Took the fucker long enough," Hayakawa commented. He moved his straw to the side, taking a sip of what was left of his drink (which you had learned was a whiskey and coke after he'd offered you a sip), "The other one..." He added, pausing to frown. "I don't even wanna think about it. It'll ruin my mood, and I only just started to enjoy myself."

Your drunken laughter could have been heard from the fucking moon. "Don't say that. You've been here longer than I have."

He knit his brows together, "Been bored out of my mind all night, until you came around."

Had the world always been so blurry around the edges? "Why's that?" You asked. "You could've gone out on the dancefloor, or something. You only live once."

You really wished you could be sober again – only because it meant that your verbal filter would return, and you would stop being a blubbering idiot.

"Didn't feel like dancing," He replied.

You patted his leg, giggling sarcastically, "Why not?"

"Because," He said, "You were dancing with someone else."

Your face was alight, on fire – you blamed it on the booze.

"Jealous?" You asked, only partially joking.

You should have known better. You should have stopped drinking about thirty minutes ago. No, better yet; you should have walked away the moment he offered to buy you a drink. You should have done the right thing from the start – turn away from the captivating Devil Hunter and his soft lips against your hand, the desire in his eyes – but you didn't.

"Maybe I am," He replied, voice deep and velvety and – fuck . "You seemed like a good dancer earlier tonight. It's a crime, wasting skills like that on a man like Kishibe."

"So, what, you're saying you wouldn't dance with Himeno but you'd dance with me?" You asked.

"Yeah," He answered with a great deal of certainty. "I guess that's exactly what I'm saying."

You blinked, momentarily taken aback. The man before you was a far cry from the stoic Captain you met on the train. This version of Hayakawa was carefree, almost boyish, and undeniably charming (and drunk).

Still, you were undeniably married, and people talked.

"I'm married, Hayakawa," you hesitated, glancing around. "I shouldn't even be drinking with you right now."

He pouted, a surprisingly endearing expression on his usually composed face. "Dance with me."

"Is that the captain's orders?" You asked with the slightest, breathiest chuckle, the slightest roll of your eyes.

"If that'll make you dance with me, then, yes," He replied, much to your surprise. "Captain's orders."

"Aren't you, like, 20?" You asked. "A little young to be so cocky, don't you think?"

"I'm your superior," He shrugged.

"I'm not used to being spoken to like that by a man I met once on the train," You retorted. "You may be my superior, but I'm older than you. Have some respect."

He leaned a little closer to you. "If I'm not dancing with you, then I'm getting out of here and going home."

You raised an eyebrow. Wow.

You shouldn't. You really, really shouldn't.

Against your better judgment, you sighed, "You better not step on my toes."

"Never," he grinned. "Lead the way."

Despite yourself, you couldn't help but smile. The combination of his charm and the alcohol had eroded your resistance. You took his hand, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours, the contact sending a jolt through you. It was something you hadn't felt in a long time.

You led him to the dance floor.

The music was lively, and the atmosphere was buzzing with energy. You guided him through the steps, your bodies moving in sync. He stumbled a bit at first, but his determination to learn was endearing.

"It's a simple two-step," You told him. Tapping his shoe with the toe of your heel, you replicated the movement for him. "Like this, see? One, two – Left, right."

Hesitantly, he followed your rhythm, swaying to the left, then the right. He tripped over himself the second time around, muttering, "Shit, sorry."

Laughter bubbled up between the two of you as he tried to follow your lead. He was surprisingly light on his feet, and his genuine effort made the experience enjoyable. There was a sense of camaraderie, a shared moment that felt almost... intimate.

The ghost of his touch down the open back of your dress, your spine, over your waist nearly made you gasp.

His words were a low whisper against the shell of your ear, "Is it okay if I hold you here?"

His hands rested on your waist, firm yet gentle, as he tried to mimic your movements. Every brush of his fingers against your skin gave you chills. The closeness was intoxicating, each movement drawing you nearer to him.

Fucking hell. He was going to be the death of you. It was a big mistake – this whole thing was. You and liquor didn't mix well. Combine that with a devilishly handsome Captain, and...

You could do nothing but nod.

"There you go, you've got it," you said, your voice breathy from the exertion and the intoxicating proximity – his cologne, the scent of him, it was all intoxicating, as matter of fact. "Left, then right, then left. Just like that."

As the song continued, the space between you seemed to shrink even further. You could feel the heat of his body, his breath mingling with yours. Your heart was racing a mile a minute – or was that your head spinning? You couldn't tell.

"Are you having fun?" he asked, his voice low.

"Maybe a little," you admitted, your eyes locking with his.

And there it was again. That invisible magnet that always seemed to pull the two of you together. For a moment, he made it easy to forget about your morals and obligations. It was just you and him and only a few inches of space between your body and his much larger one.

His hands slid up your sides, settling just below your ribcage. Your breath hitched as he leaned in, his lips brushing against your ear. "Me too."

You were gonna pass out. You were gonna pass out and explode all over the dance floor, and he would have to scrape your remains off the floor.

You swallowed hard, trying to maintain some semblance of composure.

You tried to lose yourself in the music, focusing on the lively beat and the sensation of Hayakawa's hands guiding you. The rhythm pulsed through your body, each beat a lifeline in the chaotic sea of your emotions. You forced a smile, trying to appear as if you were in the moment with him, but it didn't work. The guilt gnawed at you, every pulse of the music reminding you of the boundary you were too close to crossing.

"I–" you began, your voice barely audible over the music – which wasn't actually all that loud, but sounded like a blaring roar in your mind.

Whatever you were going to say effectively died in your mouth the moment you looked up at him. Those pretty baby blues of his, his plump lips wrapped around something you didn't quite hear.

Every time you closed your eyes, flashes of your husband's face invaded your thoughts. His smile, the way he looked, the quiet moments you shared in the comfort of your home. Each memory was a sharp pang of guilt that contrasted painfully with the thrill you felt in Hayakawa's arms.

You felt the warmth of Hayakawa's hand on your back, guiding you effortlessly across the dance floor, away from the memories.

"Hey," He said, "You look a little faint."

You forced a laugh, trying to mask the turmoil inside you. "It's a little hot in here, isn't it?"

Ignoring the guilt became increasingly difficult as his hand slid up your arm, sending an electric shiver down your spine. The touch was both thrilling and terrifying. You felt like you were standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering dangerously close to falling. His fingers left a trail of fire on your skin, each touch a reminder of how far you were straying from the person you believed yourself to be.

"Is everything okay?" Hayakawa asked, concern flickering in his eyes. "You seem a little distracted."

You nodded quickly, trying to steady your breathing. "I'm fine," you lied. "Hayakawa, look, I–"

His gaze softened, his thumb brushing gently, almost unnoticeably over the back of your hand. "Aki," he said, his voice sincere. "Call me Aki."

You knew you were drunk, too drunk to be making any rational decisions. You should go home, you told yourself, but his eyes held you captive. Deep and intense, they seemed to see right through you, igniting something inside you that you hadn't felt in a long time. The pull was irresistible, and you found yourself leaning into him, your body betraying your mind.

You hadn't been touched this way – so intimately, yet so respectfully – in years.

"Aki," you breathed, practically reeling in the way the syllables felt as they slipped off your lips – utterly taboo, two sinful tricks of the tongue. "I don't think," You swallowed the guilt down, "We shouldn't be doing this."

Aki's smile was faint, almost altogether absent. "We shouldn't," he said, his voice filled with a determination that made your heart skip a beat, "Do you want me to stop?"

You looked away, trying to regain control. The room spun slightly, the alcohol clouding your senses. You must have drunk too much. Trying to steady yourself, you scanned the room, and then you saw her.

Himeno stood at the edge of the dance floor. Her cocktail was clenched in her hand, her eyes filled with sadness and betrayal. The sight of her hit you like a punch to the fucking gut – how must this whole thing have looked from her perspective? The image of the man she'd been trying to get with for a year swaying side to side with you, faces only inches apart, dancing around the elephant in the room.

Oh my god. What have I done?

The guilt surged forward, stronger than before. How could you have let it go this far?

You felt suddenly sick, the weight of your mistake crashing down on you like a fucking anvil.

This needs to stop, you thought, panic rising in your chest. I'm making a huge mistake. Snap out of it.

You pushed Aki away, your movements abrupt and forceful. His eyes widened in surprise and confusion, a hurt look crossing his face. He opened his mouth to speak, you spoke first – you knew that if you let him utter another peep, he would convince you to stay.

"I feel sick. Excuse me," you blurted out, your voice trembling.

Then, like the coward you were, you turned and fled, your steps unsteady as you wove drunkenly through the crowd.

The pounding music and the murmur of conversations faded into the background, the room spun around you as you hurried toward the exit, Your mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

I have to leave. Oh my god. I've ruined everything. I have to leave.

Bursting through the door into the lobby you took a deep breath, hoping it would calm the storm inside you. A little calmer now that you had escaped the scene, you marched towards the entrance. You didn't know where you'd left your jacket and, to be frank, you didn't care.

The first gust of wind against your hot face felt like heaven. The night was quiet, save for the quiet traffic noises only a few yards away.

I need to call a taxi.

You knew you had narrowly avoided a disaster, but the guilt and confusion remained, gnawing at you. What had you been thinking? How had you let yourself get so carried away?

Practically running into the road, you waved your hand around, calling, "Taxi!"

Out of the four or five cabs in the road, of course, nobody stopped. Just when you thought your luck was going to change, the taxi you had originally thought to be headed towards you drove right on past your waving arms.

You huffed out a frustrated sigh, kicking your heels into the gravel. The quiet sounds of the nocturnal city of Tokyo accompanied your misery. I fucked up.

A call of your name a few feet behind you made your stomach do a backflip. Fuck.

You ignored him, wrapping your arms around yourself, rubbing your hands over your skin to soothe the goosebumps all over it. You walked further away from him, to the other side of the curb.

And, of course, your efforts were entirely in vain. You could hear the dreaded footsteps as they slowed to a stop behind you, then feel the gentle weight of a heavy fabric over your shoulders – a black suit jacket. The notes of his cologne that lingered on the fabric surrounded you – comforted you, blanketed you.

"You're gonna catch a cold out here like that," Aki spoke finally, breaking the silence. His voice was so deep, so melodic, that you almost wished he hadn't.

"Why are you here?" You asked rather harshly. Your tone was cold, biting, something that seemed a little out of character for you, considering that you were just swaying with him on the dance floor a moment or two ago. "Are you leaving?"

"I should be the one asking you that," He sighed.

You swallowed, finally turning around to face him head on. He looked desperate, bangs frizzy and hair a little messy, donning a loosened tie around the collar of his partially unbuttoned white shirt. He was so fucking gorgeous that it physically hurt to be this close to him, to have him leaning over to get his face close to yours, his jacket draped over your cold shoulders.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I overstepped," He added. "It wasn't my intention to make you feel uncomfortabl–"

"Stop, just–" You interrupted him. You sounded a little breathless when you said it. "Stop it. Go back inside. Go–" You swallowed, voice trembling only slightly as you finished, "Go back to Himeno."

Although fairly uncertain as to why, you knew you were acting unwise. What was your fucking problem tonight?

His eyes were unwavering pools of passion – ocean waves crashing against the sandy color of his skin, luring you deeper into the abyss. He lifted a perfectly arched brow, uttering innocently, "Why? I want to be where you are."

"Stop it," You hissed. Any minute now someone would step outside for a cigarette and see this whole thing going down. They would hear everything he was saying to you, and with your luck, it would be Himeno. You didn't need to act a fool in front of anyone else tonight.

You finished, "If you're a good man, you'll forget about this whole– this whole thing and just– leave me be."

Correction. Apparently, Aki was an exception to your previous statement about not acting a fool.

Finally, finally, a cab pulled up to the curb. In fact, it just might have been the first good thing to happen to you that entire evening. You waved it down frantically, rejoicing internally when it didn't drive away.

A hand on your shoulder physically stopped you from bolting into the cab the way you wished to, "I can't do that."

Desperate to get it through his thick skull, you clipped back, "I'm married!"

He took a step towards you. You inched backwards..

"You weren't acting like it," He retorted. "I can't forget about tonight. I know you felt it, too–"

"Enough!" You finally snapped – you weren't fully aware of how loud you had shouted that word until he looked at you with wide, hurt eyes. With a sigh, you went for the cab door, finishing the conversation without so much as turning around, "Goodnight, Captain Hayakawa."

He's still your superior. Be polite.

You got into the cab and practically slammed the door shut behind you. Adjusting yourself and buckling in, you told the driver, "Hilton Shinjuku, please."

The moustached man hummed, "Of course." The distinct sound of a phone ringing broke into the atmosphere, and he quickly excused himself before taking the call.

You sighed, laying your head back against the headrest. Fuck.

Being alone with your thoughts was bad enough, but adding alcohol into the mixture proved to make not flipping the hell out even more difficult. You had fucked up real bad – you couldn't even think straight, let alone think about what consequences awaited you after you sobered up. What would Himeno think of you? What would your husband think of you? Fuck.

Absentmindedly, you toyed with the fabric draped over your shoulders. Wait– Did I forget to give him his fucking jacket back?

The cab driver flipped his phone shut before driving off. "Sorry, for the wait, Ma'am."

The day couldn't have gotten any worse if it tried.

"Shit," You hissed quietly, moreso to yourself than anyone in particular.

As you flopped back against the backseat of the cab, your fingers brushed up against something in the pocket of his jacket. It felt like a little gum wrapper – a paper sheet, or something like that. Against your better judgment, you pulled it out and unfolded whatever the object was.

A small paper slip sat in the palm of your hand. One that had a phone number on it.

You looked down at the slip, noticing his handwriting—strong, confident strokes. You rubbed your thumb over the ink, tracing the numbers absentmindedly.

Fuck, that was smooth. You couldn't help but feel a pang of something—admiration? Attraction? Annoyance?—as you thought about how effortlessly he had slipped the note into his jacket pocket, of all things. What am I supposed to do now?

Throw it out. Burn it. Anything but call it, for certain, you thought.

Still, you couldn't help but cast a subconscious glance out the rear window to where he had been standing – where you knew he probably was still standing.

And, sure as rain, there he was, standing six-foot-something on the edge of the sidewalk, gaze chasing the back of your cab. You could feel the heat of him even after the driver pulled out. You watched as he pulled out a cigarette, lighting it with a practiced flick. The flame briefly illuminated his face, highlighting the intensity in his eyes as he took a drag and exhaled slowly, the smoke swirling around him in the cool night air.

He watched you drive off into the night. You watched him watch you until he disappeared behind the sea of cabs and cars that dotted the streets of Tokyo. Then, once you were absolutely sure that he was out of sight, you sank back into the seat, releasing a breath you didn't know you'd been holding in.

A soft chuckle escaped the cab driver, who caught your eye in the rearview mirror. "Rough night?"

You nodded sadly, pressing your cheek against the icy cold window, "You have no idea."

a/n: kekeke MUAHAHAHAAA!! ugh i love him sm. lmk what you all thought!! love u bunches

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505

wanna join the taglist? | shameless ; chapter index

#the plot thickens #i need him biblically #in a way that is imperative to feminism #notiddygxthgf ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚#shameless!#aki hayakawa #hayakawa aki #aki hayakawa x reader #hayakawa aki x reader #aki x reader #csm x reader #chainsaw man x reader #denji x reader #eventual smut

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pollymorgan · 4 months ago

Text

Ex-Husband Negan Part 3

Warnings: Defloration, but in a good way.

Tense, Negan looked back and forth between me and the hallway, towards Gracie's room. Then he ran his hand uneasily over his face.

"Fuck, sweetheart, correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you the one who always said I shouldn't use sex as a power tool?" he asked, with a slight grin on his face.

Innocently, I shrugged, "I would rather call it an offer."

I could clearly see the struggle in his eyes. "Okay, here's a counterproposal. You go ahead and make yourself comfortable, maybe even take off all those unnecessary clothes you're wearing, and in the meantime, I'll take care of the thing in Gracie's room... Believe me, I'll be with you in no time."

Angry, I crossed my arms in front of my chest, "Forget it, Negan... Either now, or never!"

"Never?" he asked sarcastically, "Darling, we both know that's not true. You need me, just as I need you."

He took a step towards me, and I would have instinctively stepped back, but the stairs were behind me, so I inevitably stood still. Negan's right hand came closer to me, and he began lightly stroking my collarbone with his fingertips, following the movement with his gaze. Of course, he noticed how I almost forgot to breathe under his touch.

"How often do you close your eyes when Steve fucks you and pretend it's me, huh? Tell me, I won't tell anyone..." he whispered.

I shook my head almost imperceptibly and looked at him in disbelief, then he leaned in and whispered with a gentle, gruff voice directly into my ear, "... but it annoys you every time that it doesn't work, that he can't make you feel things, that he can't touch you like I do, right? My darling, I know you better than anyone ever could. I was the first man in you... I'm the only one who has impregnated you twice... And only I can make you come so many times, over and over again."

His words hit me hard, because they held up a mirror to me that I didn't want to see, but at the same time, they sent warm electric shocks through my whole body.

A light slap on my butt brought me back to the present. "Well, off to the damn bedroom," he said firmly.

I grabbed his hand and led him down the dark hallway. After opening the door and turning on the light, I turned expectantly towards him.

"There it is... The same beautiful, slightly nervous smile as our first time." he noted.

29 years ago

While the other girls in my class cut out snippets from fashion magazines and glued them to their walls, my room was wallpapered with posters of various rock bands, and as our classmates tried to get into clubs with fake IDs, my two best friends and I were already thinking of another excuse for our parents to go to the next concert.

For almost two months, I had my first steady boyfriend, and since then, every day was even more adventurous. Not only the fact itself was super exciting, but he was simply the most exciting boy I had ever met. When we first saw each other at a small club concert, I was immediately head over heels in love with this guy that everyone there seemed to know. I was even more surprised when he came straight to me to talk, among all the pretty, older girls. That same evening, we kissed while the band played my favorite song. It wasn't my first kiss, but it was so different from anything I had felt before.

Although he was an absolute chaos and troublemaker who constantly got into fights and arguments, he treated me like a princess from the first moment. There was not a moment in that time when he didn't carry me on his hands and do everything to prove how important I was to him. I knew he had had quite a few, more or less, 'girlfriends' before me and often felt the eyes of the other girls on us when we stood hand in hand at a concert. And that always made me extremely insecure, but he assured me that it was different with me, that I was special.

Since our first meeting, we spent all our free time together.

During the week, we were usually at his house. His family was never there, and we had our peace, while my friends covered for us in front of my parents. So we had enough time to make out, listen to music, and philosophize about everything possible. I had never met a person before who was interested in the chaos in my head. Yes, who even understood it and thought similarly. With each similarity, I fell even more in love with this guy, even though I thought every time that there couldn't possibly be more.

So we were lying together on his bed again. My head was nestled in his armpit, and I watched him smoke while he stared at the ceiling. The fact that he just lit up a cigarette in his room impressed my 16-year-old self immensely.

Suddenly, he looked at me and grinned unmistakably, "You're looking at me as if I were some damn alien or something."

I felt caught, "Not at all... well, maybe a little, you are my boyfriend after all."

I gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. He then withdrew his arm from under my head to position himself sideways and prop himself up on his hand.

"Now you're looking..." I said defiantly, feeling my heart beating even faster.

"You are my girlfriend after all," he said amused and blew the last puff of his cigarette before rolling halfway over me to reach for the ashtray. His body was heavy on me, but I loved feeling him so close. In this position, he looked down at me and whispered softly, "And the most fascinating girl I know."

His gentle words and his strong body on mine evoked feelings in me that I had never experienced before. I wanted more of him.

His hand gently traced my waist, delicately stroking my breasts over my t-shirt. I loved it when he did that. My body trembled with excitement. Then he kissed me, a kiss that quickly intensified.

Suddenly, he rolled off me and pulled me with a swing. Now I was lying on top of him. We smiled at each other. Of course, I could feel how aroused he was by the situation, but I was too. After another kiss, I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"Can I ask you something?" he broke the silence after a while.

"Mhh..." I dreamily replied.

"Have you ever pleasured yourself?" he asked bluntly, and I was glad I could bury my face in his shirt so he couldn't see how my cheeks flushed.

"Yes... I mean, yes..." I stammered awkwardly.

"Hey, is it embarrassing for you to admit that in front of me?" he asked, poking me in the ribs with his index finger, making me jump.

I looked up and met his beautiful dark eyes, which meant everything to me. He gently held my chin, so I couldn't lower my gaze.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing in this damn world should be embarrassing for you in front of me, especially not that, understood?" he said so emphatically that I could only whisper an 'okay.'

Reflectively, I bit my lower lip and then said softly, "I... I imagine it's you touching me when I do it..."

His hands trailed down my back and then settled on my buttocks.

"Wow, that's so damn hot," he exclaimed excitedly.

My body trembled slightly as I sat up and decisively took off my top. Now I was just sitting on him in my bra. "I don't want to just imagine it anymore, Negan. I want to sleep with you."

I had imagined so many times what it would be like and every day I thought that something more would finally happen between us than just kissing and a little fooling around. But he never took another step, and I was always too shy. Sometimes I even started to doubt myself because I heard stories from all sides about who Negan had supposedly slept with before me. But the Negan I knew was totally different from all those stories circulating about him.

"Do you really want that?" he asked cautiously, but I nodded decisively and opened my bra.

Negan's eyes wandered between my naked breasts and my face. "Fuck, you're incredibly beautiful... I just don't know what I did to deserve you..."

I leaned in towards him, and as soon as our lips met, a wild, passionate kiss ensued.

Negan rolled over again, so I was lying beneath him, then he took off his t-shirt and continued kissing me. Slowly, he pulled away from me and looked deeply into my eyes, while our noses almost touched.

"Please tell me if you don't like something, promise me... I'll stop immediately if anything makes you uncomfortable," he said decisively, his lips wandering over my jaw, slowly moving to my neck.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling on my bare skin. I loved it and at the same time, I felt a little scared because I was about to have my first time. What if it changed everything between Negan and me? I wanted it more than anything, but at the same time, I had doubts about whether it might ruin everything.

His kisses moved tentatively to my right breast. For the first time, I felt his lips on my delicate skin, and it immediately gave me goosebumps. My nipples hardened, even though I was feeling incredibly warm. My lower body tens ed up, sending tingles throughout my entire body. Restrained, I moaned as his tongue touched my nipple. He circled it slowly, making it so hard that it almost hurt. Then he gently sucked on it. He repeated the same with my left breast, and my upper body arched towards him. He looked up at me happily, "Baby, hearing those sweet sounds from you catapults me straight to paradise; no one on this planet is even close to being as sexy as you."

At his words, I couldn't help but smile and relax a bit more. His fingers lightly trailed down my ribs, tickling me in some places, making me twitch. Eventually, he reached the waistband of my pants and pulled them down slightly. He looked at me questioningly, and I nodded decisively, lifting my hips so he could pull down my jeans and panties unhindered. Now it was time; I lay completely naked before him, my thighs pressed together nervously.

"My princess, to make it feel good for you, you need to relax," he said, gently guiding his fingers down my inner thigh and slightly pushing my legs apart, just enough for his hand to fit between them. My heart raced, and I felt the blood pumping through my veins.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you, I promise! Just like I'll always take care of you," he said emphatically, looking into my eyes as his fingers gently touched my most intimate part. He ran his fingertips over it and then very lightly between my labia. Everything in me tingled like crazy, like the feeling of being in love, intensified a thousand times.

I closed my eyes, pushed my hips towards him, and at the same time, slightly spread my legs further apart.

Negan placed his large, warm hand on my lower abdomen while his right hand thoroughly explored my vulva. When he briefly touched my clitoris, I saw stars before my eyes; the feeling was incredible and incomparable. I felt one of his fingers circling around my entrance.

"Every inch of your body is perfect," he whispered, then slowly pushed his finger into me, kissing my knee, which was slightly trembling and bent next to him. When he added a second finger, I felt myself tightening around him.

"Does that feel good?" he asked confidently.

And my "Yes" came out louder than I had planned. I opened my eyes and saw him proudly grinning.

Unexpectedly, he leaned between my legs and placed a warm, wet kiss directly on my mound. Surprised, I reflexively closed my legs, holding his head. Only when the kiss ended did I relax again, and my boyfriend crawled over me to give me another kiss directly on my lips.

"You can tell me to stop at any time!" he said, looking deeply into my eyes as if searching for an answer.

"I trust you, Negan!" I replied, smiling at him somewhat unsure.

He immediately kissed my nose and then leaned over to the nightstand to get a condom. I didn't care that he had probably been with a hundred other girls in this bed; at that moment, I felt I was special to him. That everything was special. That we were special.

Negan took off his pants and boxers and positioned himself between my legs. I was so excited that I could barely look at his penis. Of course, I had seen male genitalia before; I knew what guys looked like down there. But in this situation, it was something completely different.

"You can touch it," Negan said amused, taking my hand to place it on his hard penis. My fingers gently stroked his hardness, and I watched as Negan followed each of my movements with his eyes.

After a short time, he took my hand and brought it to his mouth to place soft kisses on it. Then he placed it on his hip bone. "If anything is uncomfortable or goes too fast, just push me back... understood?"

I nodded nervously as he put on the condom. However, my hand on his hip wasn't even necessary. When he entered me, he was so gentle and patient that it just felt amazing. He leaned over me, placing soft kisses on my neck as he slid deeper into me. Then he whispered in my ear, telling me how beautiful I was and how good I felt.

When he was fully inside me, he paused in position, whispering so softly that I could barely hear, "I love you."

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stevie-petey · 3 months ago

Note

not sure if this has been sent before but rewatching season 3 and the scene where the group are together visiting ms driscol and el and max are reading comics, maybe a blurb about bug introducing them to comics in the summer before it all went wrong again? like her and steve are hanging out and they burst in declaring they are having a girls day/sleepover and wanted comics to read

i LOVE doing some max/el content with big <33

enjoy !

"you dont have to be here, you know."

"i know, but the one day im free from robin, youre stuck at work." steve shrugs, hopping up onto the counter so he can sit. he plucks a discarded pen and tosses it between his hands. "had to enjoy my day somehow, right?"

you stack a book onto the shelf and roll your eyes at him. "because everyone agrees that a dying bookstore is loads of fun to be in for hours on end."

"hey, i thought we agreed not to use the 'd' word?" steve clicks the pen a few times, eyes following you as you tidy around the store.

"my bad," clearing your throat, you look pointedly at him. "what i meant to say is that Bookstrordinary is as lively as a graveyard now due to stupid Starcourt."

"you know that i only have a job because of the mall, right?"

"youre terrible at comforting me."

its steves turn to roll his eyes, only his is done with fondness rather than annoyance. your hair is tied up to keep out of your eyes and youre wearing a denim dress to combat the junes unexpected heat. steve had grown so used to your usual wardrobe of sweaters and flannels that the sight of you showing so much skin leaves him breathless still.

deciding that you look too good today (youre always beautiful to him), steve gets down from the counter and follows after you. his body aches to be close to yours, his hands itch to trace the exposed skin. but he cant. you arent his, steve still hasnt managed to say the three words that sit inside his chest.

"im sorry, angel. how must i comfort you?" he asks, taking a few books from you instinctively. steve could work an entire shift at bookstrordinary at this point with his eyes closed.

you turn to him, eyes shining. "well, if youre really feeling sympathetic, id happily accept your fathers money for some ice cream-"

"you get free ice cream from me every day."

"with your employee discount. but richard harringtons money? i need it, steve."

"okay, im feeling really used right now-"

the store bell rings and a storm of red hair and giggles interrupt your conversation with steve. the laughter is familiar, the sound a welcomed surprise. immediately you leave steve behind as you rush to the front to greet the girls.

"max! el!" before they can argue, you pull them in for a hug. their skin is damp from sweat, but you dont care. you hardly see the girls these days, theyre always off with the boys or together on their own. while youre happy theyre finally friends, you cant help but miss them.

"hi, y/n." el greets you enthusiastically. her hair is a mess, shes wearing one of hoppers old shirts.

max stands next to her, hair a wild mess of red strands from the humidity. "we got bored," she tells you, eyes already roaming around the store. "you got anything good in here?"

"it depends on what you guys are looking for." you inform her. youve come to learn what everyone in the party enjoys reading. for el, she loves fairy tales, mike and dustin enjoy science fiction, lucas and max prefer more thriller and horror, while will loves fantasy.

steve grabs a handful of books for the girls, hes also come to learn what genre the kids read, and places them on the table. "heres my selection of fine reading."

"and by 'fine reading', he means books i already set aside for you guys." you nudge steve playfully, which the girls giggle at.

"same thing."

el carefully looks through the books, her finger pokes through the titles. while shes still learning how to read, shes slowly able to piece together the names and authors before her. she carefully reads through every title, eyes searching for something. when she doesnt find what shes looking for, she frows. "where is the man insect?"

"man insect?" steve looks at you, confused.

"the one with the webs."

neither max nor steve understand what el is asking, but you realize with excitement what shes referring to. "oh!" ducking down, you grab your personal stash of comics from the counters shelf and place them in front of the girls. "spider-man! here he is."

"that is the one!" el says happily, grabbing the first comic she can reach. "he is an insect."

"yes he is," you nod proudly at her. "ive taught you well."

max flicks through one of the comics with slight interest, shes curious, you can see it. "youve read spider-man with el?"

"yup, we used to read them all the time at the cabin. figured it was easy enough to understand while learning how to read. plus, spidey is the best."

"spider-man is very cool." el agrees.

steve practically melts when he hears this. eyes softening, he leans against you. "thats sickeningly adorable."

"ew, dude." max glares at him, disgusted. "we're right here, you know. go be pathetic somewhere else."

"i... i was here first." steve mumbles, slightly intimidated by the girl.

you laugh at him and place a gentle hand on his arm. "why dont you go write up some shipments for me while i introduce max to the man im going to marry someday?"

"you know peter parker isnt real, right?"

"i know, and it haunts me every day."

max shoves steve away from you, taking his place. "we're having a girls day, get lost."

"what-?"

"sorry, honey." you kiss steves cheek quickly before allowing max and el to tug you away. halfway across the store you shout behind you, "i'll make it up to you later!"

steve is left alone the rest of the day, basically taking over your shift for you. luckily with so few customers coming in these days, it isnt so bad. he mostly spends the day admiring you as you read spider-man to el and max. your eyes are lit up with raw adoration for the storylines and the girls lean into your every word. theyre wrapped around your finger, wound so tightly that theyve become one. while steve resents that peter parker has ruined your day together, he cant help but warm at the idea that the comics have brought the girls to you and have given you a rare, sunny day together.

hes willing to share you with the party if it means the soft, genuine smile that you get only when youre with them never leaves your face.

#ask #anon #m speaks #come home blurb #set in between seasons 2 and 3 !#m's writing #need more max and steve scenes together theyre so funny

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bull-shit-suji · 8 months ago

Text

kuro modern au stuff that i word vomited into my notes app

kind of a Vincent summoned sebastian to save ciel so ciel doesnt actually owe sebas anything

amnesia? idk

single dad moment! except theres this other dad whos kinda find.. (cough agni)

i think vincent was like do NOT let ciel know ur a demon so sebastian keeps it a secret but he doesnt have a good handle on like. Humans. so he kinda does a bad job and ciel definitely knows that he's weird but doesnt say anything. will go out of his way to gaslight you when sebastian does weird shit because he thinks its funny

"hey uhh is your dad levitating?"

"no?"

"he's flying above the school rn"

"that's a bird"

u think suddenly being a butler is hard? have fun being a dad bitch

alois is there but thats complicated. claude and hannah are DIVORCED but on decent terms (i think claude is like. toxic alpha male podcast type guy) and claude sees alois on alternating weekends!

are they demons? i dont know

i think ciel and alois can be friends. platonically. alois would probably say yes if ciel wanted to be romantic but i Promise you he does not. they are just pals :)

im saying ciel has a crush on elizabeth because i can (she's not his cousin here). emo boy x sunny church girl. said sunny church girl has to ask the mcdonalds employees for the blue raspberry slushie they forgot to put in ciel's order because emo boy is too scared.

IM 13 EVERYTHING SUCKSSSSS

grelle is actually living her best life transitioned with anne so they are ciel's aunts on his late mom's side. i think grelle likes ciel. mom figure moreso than anne is.

ciel owns four bongs and definitely a vape or two. come on now

he's also probably got celiac and is lactose intolerant he is just a feeble boy i think

he listens to twenty one pilots. sorry! sorry.

ciel is goth alois is punk those r kinda just the rules

ciel is insanely smart top of the class this shit is easy for him.

yells at sebastian daily. figured out what happened with his real parents around the age of uhhhh 12 or 13? has been an absolute terror ever since

"it was really nice of your dad to bring cookies for the field trip!"

"i hope he fucking chokes on one"

"oh!"

sebastian and claude are pta rivals.

"is this lemon bread store bought? my, how... efficient!"

"you made these from scratch? i can tell."

"i've never seen an interesting looking salsa! very exciting."

ciel purposefully invites alois over constantly bcus it pisses sebas off. alois is Terrified of that man.

"go grab the chips from the kitchen"

"but... what if mr michaelis is in there?"

"mr m- you mean my dad? tell him he can shove a faucet up his ass"

"id rather die on the spot"

sebastian will yell at ciel and is maybe a little emotionally unavailable but he's trying!!! it's hard :(

does that Dad thing where he comes into ciels room and is like hey bud......... what r u up to..

ciel and seiglinde r also palls. the smartest people in school

lizzie is a JOCK. she plays softball.

alois is a theater kid come on now

ciel is best at writing and literature analysis, specifically fiction. enjoys history, language, and Some sciences as well.

nerd

au where myspace is still a thing ciel has a myspace account

he definitely writes shitty poetry

wants to major in business

alois is a glee and pitch perfect truther

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vhstown · 1 year ago

Text

hi guys shower thoughts in word form what's new 💀

why miles g is the perfect foil to miles — a long post

disclaimer: i obviously do NOT know what will happen in btsv. some of this devolves into external information like from the art book (or even just my own headcanons). i am also not an analyst. this is not a proper analysis by any means. also quite rambly so bare with me 😭

also i will be referring to 1610!miles as miles and 42!miles as miles g.

just so we're sure: a foil in literature is defined as "a character who is presented as a contrast to a second character so as to point to or show to advantage some aspect of the second character" (via britannica)

essentially one character exposes the flaw(s) of another character (usually by being the opposite of said character)

i talked about miles' attachment to the superficial goal of "being Spider-Man" in a separate post (which is long n kind of irrelevant so im not linking it here) but essentially the point i want to bring back is that 1610 miles is obsessed with the idea and IDENTITY of being New York's Spider-Man and being a hero and that is the complete opposite to miles g, who is arguably the PERFECT foil — it's literally a parallel version of himself

but first a bit of ramble about the start of the movie under the cut! (open)

you can see it in the way miles falls perfectly into the typical witty, effortless and loved hero in the way he fights at the start of the movie. when he's fighting the spot you're thrown into this false sense of security that everything's going to be okay and it's just another "villain of the week" because that's what you expect of Spider-Man. he has his usual quips and carefree interactions with the spot and we have no idea that he's about to take apart the entire multiverse

the spot as a character is one of my favourite villains EVER because he directly challenges this notion of what it means to be Spider-Man — you always expect the good guys to win and when they lose again and again to the spot, that's when everything we know, and MILES knows, falls apart. the spot is a brutal exposition of how futile "heroism" as a concept is to the spiderverse.

as a character miles so badly wants to be in the spider society in the first place because he thinks that's where it's at — that's where he can finally BE a real spiderman and fit in

so when all of his beliefs are challenged and he's forced to fight to SURVIVE rather than to win that's the turning point of his character. in the grand scheme of things to put it lightly this whole "spiderman" identity is bull

and also id like to point out that hobie's line of "im not a hero, cause calling your self a hero makes you a self-mythologising narcissistic autocrat" is SUCH a gut-punch when you realise this. my boy KNEW but miles had to realise it for himself obviously so he pissed off when he had nothing else to add. I LOVE HOBIE BRO—

in my other post i talked about how he attributes his security to his home universe, family and friends and then that changes to wanting to be a part the spider society (so security in his identity), but when he's kicked out, his main goals focus around his home universe again — he needs to save his dad

putting him in earth 42 is the final sort of way for the movie to say "look at yourself miles" because to him, he can't give up that want to be spiderman so easily. a part of him hopes that he can just go back home and be spiderman like normal, that's why he tells his "mom" (earth 42 rio) that he's spiderman even though that probably won't help him at all — he is still stagnant in his old ways

and thats where miles g comes in — picture his exact universe but where's miles is the "villain" (to him at least, he doesn't know that the prowler is actually a vigilante)

to give you the basics, miles g has NO super powers, he's a vigilante who has to HIDE from the public, he's not "friendly" — nothing like miles' picture of spiderman. again, he fights to do good, but also for survival — the sinister six are attacking HIS neighbourhood and HIS home so HE has to do something about it

of course that's not to say that they're completely different. miles g has all his cool gear and aesthetics for a reason. maybe deep down he wants to be like the superheroes that he sees in comics (assuming hes anything like 1610 miles) and/or he wants to live up to, or exceed his uncle in being the prowler

but it's far less superficial than just that. he's been forced into this more practical and REAL mindset about what it means to be a "hero" from the start — and now 1610 miles is too

miles g doesn't necessarily have a greater sense of duty. he doesn't concern himself with miles' universe because it's HIS — ("our dad—" "your dad.") and thats the reality check that miles needs, at least in this moment, that he's alone and that he needs to get the HELL out of there and save his dad — not the multiverse.

of course this might be a point of character development for miles g he's obviously not a perfect character and has his own trauma and backwards beliefs to overcome but he's in many ways a product of his environment

it re-emphasises to miles the importance of saving his dad — protecting what he has left because he has nothing else (his only sense of security anymore). the multiverse is this far away thing now and i think this could be explored as a spiteful rejection in btsv which he has to overcome but im obviously not sure

the real kicker is that in this universe aaron davis is alive and jefferson is dead. looking at this from a wider perspective, in my very convoluted opinion, on a surface level, JEFFERSON represents "the hero" and AARON represents "the villain". this is arguably why aaron "has to die" in earth 1610, because "good always prevails" (which is very clearly MESSED UP, which miles is coming to realise more and more)

okay now hear me out. in the SAME WAY miles represents "the hero" and miles g represents "the villain" — but we obviously know that it's more nuanced than that

and the respective fates of aaron and jeff clearly show to miles that it is NOT that simple. it's not a matter of "good over evil" because if that was the case his father wouldn't be dead.

and obviously thematically this ties into expectations of the future generation and overcoming archaic beliefs and failures of the past and hope in youth and blah blah blah (i actually love this theme it is just not talked about enough unfortunately but this video by elliot sang is a beautiful exploration of it)

miles g and aaron are NOT evil — they're just as much heroic, but not necessarily "heroes". again, that's exposing how superficial the notion of being "spiderman" and "a hero" really is

and this is why hobie is so right about labels and— (MUFFLED SCREAMING)

going back to the spider society when miles says "i thought we were supposed to be the good guys" — this idea of being a hero is really just a front for the spider society's lucrative and cult-like behaviour. you're doing it because it's your duty as a hero, you're letting people die because that's what's supposed to happen, because it's for the "greater good" (when it was never really about that in the first place but miguel and his "spider-cult" is a whole other topic)

by the end of the film we start to realise all of these things at once and that's what across the spiderverse does SO WELL in my opinion

so why is miles g the perfect foil to miles? to summarise, miles g encapsulates (at the very least on a surface level) the complete opposite of what it means to be the hero "Spider-Man". his entire universe is a parallel to earth 1610, and to miles, miles g exposes the flaws in miles' view about what heroism truly is.

neither of them are perfect characters, and we're yet to see much about miles g, but miles' development as a character and the way it's explored in such a self-realising way as well as thematically throughout all of across the spiderverse is something i will always love about the movie

im so excited to see if they'll team up as well!!!! so much potential

urrrrr thank you for coming to my ted talk ANYWAYS I LOVE HOBIE BROW— (THE CROWD BOOS) (SEVERAL TOMATOES ARE THROWN)

as always let me know your thoughts id SO love to hear them ^^ this was just a shower thought i was literally shampooing my hair and was like hold on a minute.... so there's definitely things to be added! take care n cya <3

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marnerparty · 2 years ago

Text

moth to a flame

Mitch Marner x reader x Auston Matthews

warnings: mentions of sex, infidelity

————————————————————————

The first time it happened was supposed to be the only time. Y/N told herself that she truly did love Mitch. After all, there was a reason that she was marrying him.

But then there was his teammate. Auston.

And as much as she hated to say it, she couldn’t help but gravitate towards him. And now anytime she was around him, she couldn’t say no.

“Like a moth to a flame, I'll pull you in”

———

“This is so wrong.” Y/N sighed as Auston’s lips found the sweet spot on her neck.

“Then tell me to stop.” He threatened as his mouth moved lower and lower. All Y/N could do was look at the ceiling of the empty conference room. She wanted to stop. To tell Auston this was a bad idea, and that they shouldn’t be doing this.

But this was the best she’d felt in a long time.

“Don’t stop.” She said, her voice barely above a whisper. Auston momentarily stopped his actions as he looked the woman in her eye.

“Are you sure?” He asked as reassurance, knowing her relationship with her fiancé, and his relationship with his best friend, could be over. She shook her head ‘no’ before leaning in and kissing him.

———

All was quiet in the house except for the buzz of the hockey game on TV. Y/N watched intently as the Leafs were taking care of the Candiens just fine.

She would usually travel wherever her fiancé, Mitch, would be, but that drunken night with Austin weeks ago, and all of the times after that, stopped all of her travel.

She knew she should be rooting the most for Mitch, but whenever the camera panned to Auston, her heart fluttered.

The ring of Y/N’s phone pulled her from thoughts. She wondered how long she’d been spacing out as she looked up to see the game was over. The Caller ID on her phone read the name of her fiancé, and a small smile grew.

“Hey Mitchy.” Y/N breathed out. She could practically see his eyes role at the nickname.

“Hey babe.” He responded easily. “How’s my girl?”

His girl. Was she his girl?

“I’m good.” She said as she cleared her throat. “I watched the entire game. It was amazing, I’m so proud of you! 98 points now!” Y/N said sincerely. He laughed on the other side of the line, no doubt blushing.

“God, I love you, Y/N. I can’t wait to make you my wife.” Y/N nodded to herself, unsure of how to react. She should be happier than ever- she’s marrying the man of her dreams. The boy she dated when they were young. The kid she grew up with.

“Y/N? Still there?” She heard Mitch ask as the tear she didn’t know escaped rolled down her cheek.

“Right here love. Sorry, just, uh, thinking.”

“God, I know.” He said. “I’ve been doing so much of that. I can’t wait to have the perfect wedding. It’s still so surreal.” Before Y/N could get another word out, there was commotion on the other line. “Sorry, Y/N/N, but I gotta go, babe. There’s a couple guys flying back tonight so we have to leave early for them. But I’ll see you in 2 days, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too, Mitch.” She responded before hanging up the phone. She hated constantly lying to Mitch. While she’d only hooked up with Auston once, there were many times they’d see each other to hang out or talked to each other until early hours of the night.

“But does he know you call me when he sleeps?”

———

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours? You’ve been quiet.” Y/N heard Auston ask through the phone. She sighed as she played with the strings of her hoodie.

“What’s wrong, Auston.” She said a bit harsh. “Is the fact that I could be sleeping with my fiancé right now, but instead I’m having a secret conversation on my couch with his best friend and teammate because that’s what I’d rather be doing.”

Y/N knew Auston was smirking on the other side because of the hold he had on the girl.

“So he doesn’t know we talk eh?” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“You know he doesn’t. How could I tell him that?” She complains as Auston lightly laughs at her frustration.

“I’m just teasing, you know that.” Auston says before sighing. “I don’t like this either. It makes me feel like shit. I think I lo-”

“Stop!” Y/N says a little too loud. “You can’t be saying that, Auston. I can’t be-” Y/N heard the bedroom door open as the soft stomp of Mitch’s footsteps filled the house.

“Babe?” He asked through the dimly lit living room. Auston could hear his voice too as he tried to hang up, but stayed on to hear what was said.

“I’m sorry, Mitch.” Y/N responded. “My sister needed to talk. She’s been drinking.” He nodded, too oblivious to not believe her. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” He shook his head and made his way over to kiss Y/N’s head.

“It’s not a big deal love. Family comes first. I’ll head back to bed and wait for you.” Y/N smiled and nodded watching Mitch walk all the way back before putting the phone back to her ear.

“So now I’m your sister?” Y/N hoped Auston couldn’t hear, but knew she wouldn’t be so lucky.

“You’re my nothing, Auston. We carried on this little relationship, and it was clearly a mistake. End of story.”

“If it’s the end of the story then why are we here on the phone right now?”

———

Y/N was taking advantage of Mitch at this point. That was clear. Taking advantage of his relationships, of how close he was able to allow Y/N to get to the team, and most of all, his time away.

Mitch wasn’t one of the guys coming home a day early from the roadie. But one of the players who was? Auston.

Y/N hadn’t known he flew home early until she was tanning by the pool in the back of her and Mitch’s house when she heard the gate open. She knew she put the lock on it, and knew Mitch wouldn’t be coming home, so she jumped up from her spot and grabbed the nearest item.

She tiptoed over to the side where she could see the gate, and she let out a breath when she saw was Auston walking in.

“What the fuck, Matthews?” Y/N yelled. “I thought someone was breaking in!” She huffed walking back to her chair. She became aware of the small bikini she was wearing and tried to pull it down in the back before Auston could stare.

“I’ve already seen it all, princess. No need to hide.” Y/N rolled her eyes as she tried to get herself comfortable again.

“What’re you doing here Auston?” Y/N asked in a flat tone. He took the opportunity to come up next to her and sit down in his own chair.

“Well, I know Mitch won’t be back until tomorrow, and you’re all alone in this house …” He trailed off, hoping Y/N could catch on to what he was insinuating. She took this time to pull off her sunglasses and get a good look at him. His facial hair was slightly longer than usual due to them being on a long roadie, and the tank top he was wearing showed off most of his tattoos, which Y/N was a sucker for.

“Haven’t I made it very clear that we aren’t going to sleep together again?”

“But why!?” He fired back. “We already have this weird thing, and it’s not like either of us want it to stop! I get that you care about Mitch, but-”

“There can’t be any buts, Auston! He’s my fiancé! We’re getting married for God’s sake. And he’s your teammate! Don’t you respect him more than that?” Y/N asked fully turning to face Auston. His gazed stayed fix on the girl, thinking of anything to say.

“Are you really telling me you don’t feel anything else for me?” Y/N stayed silent. She knew she was lying to herself. She felt amazing with Mitch, but Auston made her feel … different. He made her feel like she was perfect.

The silence was all Auston needed to move from his position in his chair to hovering over Y/N. She didn’t cave in as he leaned in close to her ear and whispered.

“If you feel nothing else for me, then you’ll tell me you don’t still have those Polaroids.”

“But does he know the pictures that you keep?”

———

Y/N didn’t know how she managed to do it, but while they were vacationing in Mexico with a few of the guys, Mitch believed her when she said she wanted to go shopping as some alone time.

What shopping really meant was that she was sneaking away to Auston’s hotel room.

Y/N truly felt bad. Mitch was about to become her husband and all she’s shown is how to be a piece of shit. She knew whatever was going on between her and Auston had to stop, but right now, she needed him.

When she arrived at his room, she made sure there was nobody around to see her go in. She knocked quietly and within a second the door flew open. She couldn’t help but smile when she saw the man in nothing but a pair of shorts.

The lights in the room were off besides a small lamp beside the bed. A soft hum of music came from the bathroom as Y/N entered to see a bubble bath filling up.

“What’s this Matthews?” She asked as she wrapped her hands around his neck. He leaned down and gave her a kiss before pulling back with a smile of his own.

“I thought we could just hang out, but, you know, naked.” Y/N couldn’t help but let a laugh escape her lips at Auston’s bluntness.

“I’d like that.” The pair got undressed, stripping away all of their clothes, before Y/N got in first. She poured 2 glasses of the champagne Auston set out before telling him to join.

“Wait.” He said, shifting his mood. He seemed almost nervous as he reached into his bag and pulled out a Polaroid camera. “If I promise no one will ever see these, will you let me take a picture of you?” Y/N couldn’t help but find his nervousness sweet as she giggled and nodded.

“As long as you don’t kill me, sure.” She joked. He then rolled his eyes and snapped a couple of pictures of her in the bath. He couldn’t help but admire her beauty as he began to remember she really wasn’t his.

“I wanna take one of you.” Y/N said through the silence. Auston immediately shook his head.

“Look at me, Y/N. I’m out of season, so I’m not as buff, and my hair’s a mess, the facial hair is out of control-” Y/N abruptly stood from the bath and tracked water across the floor to get to Auston. She grabbed the camera from his hands and set it down before giving him a sweet kiss on the lips.

“I think you’re gorgeous.” She whispered, looking him dead in the eyes. That was all she needed to say for Auston to kiss her again with everything he had.

“If you stand in the mirror with me I’ll let you take it.”

———

Y/N never got rid of the pictures. She couldn’t. She loved them. She loved Auston. But there was no way she could do that to Mitch. It would be worse to break up with him for Auston.

“I have them.” Y/N admitted to the man. She could hear him swallow hard, clearly not expecting her answer. “I want you right now, Auston. But this has to be the last time.” He didn’t hesitate to pick Y/N up in a quick motion and bring her inside. He all but ran to her bedroom where they wasted no time tearing off each other’s clothes. The kisses they shared were full of hunger, and lust, and passion.

The exact opposite of what Mitch’s kisses were like. They were loving, and gentle, and sweet. Everything Y/N wanted, but sometimes not what she needed.

When the night came to an end with her and Auston, they lied in her bed in silence.

“What are we doing?” Y/N spoke. Auston let out an airy laugh.

“We’re fucking behind your fiancé and my best friend’s back. And he doesn’t deserve that.” Y/N nodded but stayed quiet.

“This has to end.” She said, not fully believing her own words. Auston nodded knowingly, but not wanting to accept it.

“One more night?” He asked facing the girl. She turned to face him too, taking in how peaceful he looked in the moment. She sighed. If she wanted her relationship with Mitch to work out in the long run, it needed to end. And although it wasn’t what she wanted, she made a commitment to Mitch first.

“One more night.”

#nhl #hockey #hockey imagine #auston matthews imagine #mitch marner imagine #auston matthews x reader #mitch marner x reader #auston matthews #mitch marner #maple leafs

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tigreblvnc · 4 months ago

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BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @isecretlylikeotomealot

Your match is...

— Kurona Ranze

✦ ENTER THE SHARK!!!

✦ First appearance of the Pokémon Kurona.

✦ We haven’t seen much of him yet, but I find him amazing.

✦ He actually gives off a bit of a weirdo vibe that suits you well.

✦ We know he’s a rather reserved support character.

✦ At least, until he finds someone who motivates him to get moving.

✦ I think YOU are that person.

✦ He likes people with strong personalities.

✦ Nothing can shake this little guy.

✦ By the way, I think he’s had multiple hairstyles throughout his childhood, just like you.

✦ Probably encouraged by parents with questionable taste.

✦ Until he arrived at his current braid, which earned him the nickname "braided dwarf."

✦ It goes well with your Dora haircut.

✦ (the expression made me laugh)

✦ You both have the vibe of two friends who met by accident at the supermarket.

✦ I bet he’s been asked for his ID quite a few times as well.

✦ In an introverted duo, there always has to be at least one who can be ambiverted—at least, someone who has phases of extroversion. To balance things out and add some PUNCH to the relationship.

✦ And, incidentally, to get into some mischief together.

✦ So yes: you two bumped into each other at the supermarket.

✦ His parents probably sent him to do the shopping.

✦ There was something he couldn’t find, you know. And he followed you with his eyes because you looked like you knew your way around the instant noodles aisle.

✦ He picked the same thing as you. It seemed pretty good.

✦ But I think you know a thing or two about this, and when you noticed him glancing into your basket, you figured the braided dwarf needed some advice.

✦ That’s how it started. And you just kept shopping together, like it was nothing.

✦ You told him about your girls' school.

✦ He told you about his boys' school.

✦ (seriously, I can totally imagine him like that)

✦ Your relationship was like a breath of fresh air.

✦ Kurona is a chill guy; he doesn’t talk much, but when he does, it’s to say something interesting. He’s not lazy either: with the right teammates, he’s very good.

✦ He has a tendency to repeat his words, which you found weird at first.

✦ But eventually, it became part of his charm.

✦ After school, you often meet up to wander around downtown. Walk past the shops and buy something to eat. Chill together.

✦ I think he would like jazz too. I can totally see him enjoying old stuff, like vinyl records, cassettes, and vintage recordings.

✦ He really likes your assertive side. It’s something he doesn’t necessarily know how to do, and he enjoys seeing that in you.

✦ He also likes it when you’re a bit direct and firm; no time wasted, straight to the point. Kurona prefers people like that, rather than those who don’t really know what they want.

✦ In fact, he’s a bit like the king’s good advisor.

✦ He wouldn’t talk as much as you, but he’s a good listener. He’s not judgmental; on the contrary, he adds little sarcastic remarks to spice up your conversations. Those are the rare moments when you see him smile. When you see his saw-like teeth.

✦ "i LOVE fashion i LOVE dressing up like i actually make the effort to dress for uni like everyday" We know Kurona takes great care of his hair! His braid, for example. He takes the time to do it well every morning. You complement each other on this point. You’re more into clothes, and he’s more into hair.

✦ "im like 154cm short and skinny" Kurona is one of the shortest characters in Blue Lock, standing at 168 cm. There’s a bit of a height difference, but it’s fine—he doesn’t bump into door frames, and he fits in the car without any trouble. Kurona, pocket-sized.

✦ "Well i do game abit on my nintendo switch mostly mario but im definitely not a gamer" I can’t see Kurona glued to his console 24/7 either, but he enjoys playing occasionally, probably more on his phone during commutes. It’s a chance for quick, casual games.

✦ You’re the duo that exchanges resources in Stardew Valley before bed.

✦ And sometimes old anime, especially the ones you grew up with. You both have a fondness for 90s anime like Sailor Moon, Hunter x Hunter, and Neon Genesis Evangelion.

✦ I think Kurona’s love language is quality time; he doesn’t talk much, but he listens. He’s the guy you can chill with in the same room for a long time without talking.

✦ I see him being discreet and subtle in his displays of affection, like seeking your company more than others. Looking for you first. Finding you in a crowd. Sitting next to you and dozing off on your shoulder. And I think it’s mutual, in the sense that he lets you do the same. But I don’t see him being very vocal about his affection.

✦ By the way: "What makes him happy are subtle displays of affection ("I like people who always care about me")" Should we talk about it?

✦ You’re the childhood friends to best friends to first love trope, and you deserve to be framed on the living room wall.

A word about your match: I didn’t hesitate, your shark became clear to me as I read your bio. Here’s a photo of the two of you!

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock matchup #blue lock headcanons #kurona ranze #kurona x reader #kurona ranze x reader #suo matchups

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bigfemboyenergy · 9 months ago

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why no gf x dp - a rant

why the fuck are there so many dp x dc things. GRAVITY FALLS WORKS PERFECTLY WITH DANNY PHANTOM. like, people know this, id hope? twin 13yos interested in supernatural things and a 14yo who is a half ghost and deals with this shit every day. guys. wed have more ghost lore in gf, and an expansion of paranormal activity in dp. this shit could be so good, so why is no one making good ones?? like..dip and dan could be friends. theyre science nerds, if you generalize their interests, and theyre close in age. they both get bullied, have few but rather close friends, and go on adventures. DOES NOBODY SEE THE POTENTIAL BUT ME?? and just imagine the depth of bill and danny both being able to possess people. could they both possess someone at one time? push the other out of the body, perhaps? this crap goes hard, theres so many possibilities here. like..gf expansion on ghosts with the help of none other than a ghost and his weird familys tech?. yes please. and even then, ford being in the ghost zone? adding to the journals and their significance to danny?! im actually upset that this thing is less popular than dp x dc. like, adding danny in would do so much just for mabel. we all know how she is about boys. and another teenage character, like wendy! even sidecharacters could have more screentime and development if someone new was added, and danny just seems like an excellent choice to me. you dont even have to play with ages or timeperiods! just toss in ghost king danny somewhere, or maybe combine both storylines and change em up a bit. it would just..be so entertaining and different, rather than simpler things that are fairly fake and based on hcs. whatever dont listen to this im lowkey writing out ideas for if i do choose to make my own since ✨no one else will✨

#gf x dc #dipper #mabel #danny phantom #danny fenton #crossovers #ranting #rant post #complaining #can we have more of this please??#like there is so much fucking potential?.?#i could take this and run away with it

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vivalas-vega · 2 years ago

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Real Friends / Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Reader / Part Seven

happy valentines day my loves - this seemed to be the perfect chapter to mark the occasion ;) i hope you all had the most lovely day, here is some pure sap and a much needed break in tension between our two favorite friends. I have always wanted to reference a very specific grey’s anatomy scene in my writing and I thought this was the perfect pairing to break it out for - you can watch that here and that is all I’ll say in order to not spoil what’s to come - it is up to you if you watch it before or after you read it ;)

real friends / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part seven

one - two - three - four - five - six

word count: 4.5k

warnings: sap. lots of sap.

“Cobra,” Penny started but was cut off by a round of rowdy frat boys to which she gave you an annoyed look. “Cobra, you know I would never ask…” she said, and you just nodded before she even had the chance. She’d lost one of her weekend bartenders and she was definitely feeling it right now as the Hard Deck thrummed with energy and you had no problem slipping behind the bar and taking the spare apron from Penny.

“And you don’t have to, who knows, could be fun to get back into the swing of things,” you smiled as you took an order and got to work. You’d never liked living on base and avoided it at all costs, which resulted in you picking up some bartending shifts in your early twenties to help cover the costs of living on your own on just the Navy’s salary and in all honesty you’d loved it. The energy was usually always good, tips were fantastic, especially on the nights when you dressed to make the old-timers wallets hurt, and it was a great way to distract yourself from the stress of your day job. It was like riding a bike for you, easy to slip back into your old routine of managing patrons and keeping up with the conversation as well as making sure their drinks were well taken care of and you smiled brightly at Rooster as he approached.

“Have I stepped into an alternate universe?” he asked as you set a beer in front of him.

“Pen was swamped and I happen to know my way around a bar,” you said, mixing up an old fashioned for the guy waiting beside him… based on his young appearance and choice of drink you’d inspected his ID three times to make sure it wasn’t fake.

“Full of surprises aren’t you?” he teased and you just winked in response, flitting around to clear empty glasses.

“Get away from my bar, Roo, you’re in the way,” you said as you made your way from table to table, pushing him in the direction of the pool table and watching as he joined your group of friends. You helped Penny through the rush, and even got to ring the bell once which was secretly something you’d always wanted to do, and you wiped your hands in satisfaction as you looked over the bar, now only occupied by regulars who weren’t quite as demanding.

“Cobra, you’re a literal lifesaver,” Penny said, giving your shoulders a squeeze from behind as she slid a rather fat stack of tips your way and you just shook your head.

“Pen, I didn’t say yes for some extra cash, I was happy to help.”

“Come on, most of these are from all the boys on base that are utterly obsessed with you anyways, just take them as a token of my gratitude otherwise I’m never making your margaritas spicy again,” she warned and you placed a hand on your chest in faux shock.

“You would never.”

“Try me,” she smiled, pushing them closer to you and you gave her a soft smile before tucking them away in the pocket of your shorts as she waved you off to join your friends with a fresh drink in hand.

“Have to say, Cobra, you are a much better bartender than I would have thought,” Rooster said when you approached the pool table.

“I take offense in that, I’ll have you know I bartended for years.” you retorted, “but nevermind that, I uh… I actually have some news, guys.” you said hesitantly, waiting until you had everyone’s attention, trying not to linger on the fact that you’d had Hangman’s all night.

“What, is this where you tell us you're ditching us to spend your days here instead?” Rooster joked and you just shoved his shoulder.

“No, it’s a little bigger than that… I got a call from Admiral Simpson today, I’m being promoted to Lieutenant Commander,” you said and the entire group broke out in cheers.

“Holy shit, Cobra, this is amazing!” Phoenix cooed as she pulled you in for a tight hug, “I am so proud of you,” she whispered in your ear.

“Alright, alright, break it up, let me get in there,” Rooster said, pulling you from her arms and into his own. You were essentially passed around the entire group, being hugged so tight you almost thought your ribs could be bruised until you made it to Hangman who really wasn’t sure what to do or say. You still hadn’t spoken, but he didn’t want to let this moment pass either of you by.

“Congratulations, Lieutenant Commander,” he said, giving you a salute and you laughed, shaking your head at him. You tentatively reached out for him and he immediately wrapped his arms around you and lifted you off the ground before twirling you in a circle as you let out a giggle, “I always knew you’d be the first to break Lieutenant,” he said setting you down but keeping his hands on your waist and you had no intention of removing your arms from his shoulders. “You deserve it, Cobra, this and so much more.” You just beamed up at him, his words of praise washing over you and filling your chest with warmth and you pulled away from him when Coyote cleared his throat behind you.

“So, when’s the big celebration?” he asked as you turned to face him and adjusted your dress awkwardly.

“Rather soon actually… they thought we would want to do it before we return from break, turns out they know a thing or two about what we get up to in our free time,” you laughed, “it’s this Friday.”

“Well, then you and I have to go shopping for dresses. Of course we’ll wear our stuffy dress uniforms for the actual banquet but… afterwards we’re going out for a proper night on the town to celebrate our girl, what do you say?” Phoenix asked, addressing the rest of the group and everyone nodded.

“Oh, oh no…” Bob said and you all looked at him in confusion, “this is going to be a repeat of the night after the uranium mission isn’t it?” he asked and you let out a loud laugh before reaching over to ruffle his hair. Poor sweet Bob had been the only sober one present to keep everyone alive and well after you’d all returned home, desperate to let loose and blow off steam once the mission was over.

“Oh, Bob… have I told you today how much I love you? These new glasses really suit your face,” you said, fully redirecting the conversation which was confirmation in and of itself that yes… it was going to be a repeat.

—--

You stood at attention as Admiral Simpson read out your new rank and you saluted, smiling softly as Maverick came to affix your new pin to your uniform, as was tradition for a loved one to do the honors. You’d thought about calling your family, but with the short notice you knew they’d be unable to attend and Maverick was the next best thing, he’d been absolutely delighted when you’d asked. The night had passed with a blur, you making introductions with several important people you’d not yet had the chance to meet as Cyclone essentially dragged you from person to person. You kept chuckling as you’d spare glances towards your team, keeping up an air of professionalism but if you looked just a little closer you could tell they were getting up to nothing but trouble as they sipped the champagne that seemed to be flowing freely and laughed amongst themselves. You couldn’t help the laughter that escaped you as they all scrambled to salute you when you finally approached their table, almost yelling Lieutenant Commander completely out of sync.

“God, I love you guys,” you said through your laughs, “things are finally wrapping up, still the plan to meet at the Hard Deck at nine?” you asked and everyone nodded as they got ready to leave.

“Mind if I drive you?” Hangman asked, and you nodded at him despite everything in you telling you no. You made your way out to the parking lot where he opened the door for you and helped you climb in, chuckling to himself as you grunted.

“No reason to have a truck like this in San Diego,” you muttered, buckling your seatbelt as he got in, “purely aesthetic, Jacob Seresin, people back home would laugh at you.”

“They would not,” he scoffed, pulling out of the lot and beginning the short drive to your home.

“They surely would. They’d call you a poser, say you’ve forgotten your roots with this fancy thing in the city.”

“If anything this truck is me remembering my roots,” he countered and you shook your head.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but all the real cowboys back home don’t drive frilly rigs like this.”

“You know what, I’ll let you have it, seeing as it's your day and all,” he said, smirking at you before returning his eyes to the road.

“As you should,” you said simply, turning your attention out your window as a silence settled over the cab.

“I really am proud of you, you know,” he finally said, “you’ve been busting your ass. Not just on the mission, but by naturally stepping into a leadership role at Top Gun, going out of your way to help everyone… it’s really impressive and I just thought you should know that.”

“Thank you, Jake,” you said, cheeks flushing under his praise as you pulled into your driveway. “You coming in or will I see you in a few hours?”

“I’ve got my change of clothes with me but… I- I don’t want to impose,” he said and you smiled softly at his suddenly sheepish demeanor.

“I did ask, Hangman,” you said, getting out of the truck and making your way to unlock your front door and he was quick to follow. You made your way through the foyer, checking the clock on your wall and seeing you had plenty of time to spare as you kicked your boots off. “I don’t know about you but I am dying to get out of this uniform, bathrooms right there if you want to change,” you said as you made your way down the hallway and into your bedroom where you changed into a tee shirt and flowy shorts to get ready. When you reemerged you had to fight to keep your jaw off the floor, blinking slowly as you took him in, wearing a neutral patterned short sleeve button up with well-fitting blue slacks and he smirked as he noticed.

“Well, you certainly clean up nice,” you said, fetching the pair of you beers before motioning him to follow you to your bedroom where you took a seat at your vanity.

“I should say the same, San Diego won’t know what hit them when you hit the town in those… What are those, daisy shorts?”

“Oh hush, this obviously isn’t what I’m wearing,” you said as you gestured for him to take a seat on your bed and you made eye contact in the mirror as you plugged your curling iron in, “on a scale of one-post uranium mission how rowdy do you think it’s going to get tonight?”

“Considering Phe was already a little tipsy when we left, I’m gonna say it might be a little worse,” he chuckled, taking a sip of his beer.

“Poor Bob,” you mused, sectioning your hair and beginning to curl as he watched with amusement.

“I think he actually enjoys it,” he shrugged. “Look, I’ve been wanting to talk to you… I understand why you’ve been avoiding me, I was entirely out of line with what happened and I just wanted to apologize.”

“You weren’t out of line, Jake,” you said, dropping a section of hair before starting on the next. “You surely took me by surprise, but you weren’t out of line.”

“If it wasn’t out of line you wouldn’t have dropped off the face of the earth for three days… it’s really okay, you have no obligation to spare my feelings, I just want us to go back to how things were… I’ve really missed you.”

You sighed, setting the iron down and turning to face him, “I did kiss you back. Twice.”

“It’s a little detail I’m willing to overlook,” he said, looking at you with pleading eyes and you felt your body thrum under his gaze, drawing you in and clouding your judgment. Ever since Rooster had shown up at your door, you’d been thinking and overthinking, carefully considering his words and the chord they’d struck within you.

“I’m not,” you said, turning back around and starting back in on your hair as silence fell over the room. You’d gotten almost all of the way through when he finally spoke again.

“What does that mean?” he asked, running a hand through his hair as his knee bounced nervously. You finished the last strand of your hair, unplugging the iron as you took a swig of your beer and clipped the front sections away from your face.

“It means I don’t want to overlook it.” you said, taking a makeup wipe to your face and removing any trace before you could start fresh.

“Okay, but like… what does that mean?” he asked again, confusion clear as day across his face as he tried to understand what you were implying. You made eye contact in the mirror as you blended foundation into your skin.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since you kissed me. Ever since that day you came over and we agreed to be friends I’ve been fighting this… attraction towards you with every fiber of my being because you scare the shit out of me. I’m okay right now, I have great friends, my career is progressing exactly as I would like it to,” you moved on to swirl blush onto your cheeks, speaking so nonchalantly it was as if you were giving him the weather report. “Giving into this, giving in to you, threatens all of that. I’ve never been good at relationships and your track record speaks for itself but I know enough to know that this? This is just dangerous,” you dusted your cheeks with highlighter before taking another drink as he just stared at you blankly. “Letting you in means potentially compromising the friend group, compromising everything I’ve worked so hard for, hell it compromises my own sanity because honestly I think when this burns in it’s going to devastate me,” you said, moving onto your eyes, still speaking so calmly. “These are all things I know to be true and yet I just don’t have any fight left in me anymore.” He finally moved, setting his beer bottle next to yours and placing his hands on the back of your chair, watching you in the mirror as you continued on with your makeup, your focus sharp as you drew wings onto your liner.

“Sweetheart, are we going to get to the part where you tell me what this means?” You remained silent for a moment, sweeping mascara across your lashes before discarding the tube on the messy table top and taking another drink of your beer as you met his eyes.

“It means that if that kiss was foreboding something that is just physical for you, you need to tell me so I can… so I can process it and move on, because I-” for the first time emotion seeped into your voice as you stumbled over your words, and he gently grabbed your arm to pull you up and into him as he stared down into your eyes.

“Honey, I am just as terrified as you are, but you and me… we don’t run from the scary stuff, we dive in headfirst and I don’t want to do anything but that with you. This has never been just physical for me,” he whispered as he cradled your jaw between his hands.

“You are… god, I just, I can’t stand you sometimes because you’re… it’s like you’re in me, even when we weren’t friends and all we did was fight it was like you were apart of me, like I was infected by Jacob Seresin,” you chuckled dryly as tears welled in your eyes and you lost your grip on all the reasons why not you’d been clinging so tightly to as his hands slipped down to grip your waist, “I- I… I love you and I, fuck I didn’t… that just flew right out but I love you,” a tear slipped down your cheek as you unraveled before his eyes and as much as you wanted to force yourself to shut up, to claim some kind of psychotic break and lock yourself in the bathroom you couldn’t stop now that you’d started. “I-I do, I love you and I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it because this is just… this is a bad idea and I know it but I just can’t think about anything or anyone and I can’t sleep, I can’t- I can’t breathe because I am just so in love with you and I-” you were cut off by his lips on your own and you melted into him, tangling your hands in his hair as you pulled him closer only for him to pull back and leave you breathless.

“You’re in love with me,” he said, wiping a falling tear and looking down at you almost as if he didn’t believe it and you chuckled, cheeks flushing at the uncharacteristic emotional outburst.

“Be cool about it,” you sighed and he brushed your hair away from your face before placing another quick kiss to your lips. His hands enveloped your jaw, fingers splaying across your neck as he tipped your head back and drank you in.

“I’m so in love with you,” he whispered, kissing you again and you couldn’t help but smile against his lips. He pulled back, reaching to grab your makeup sponge and dab at your cheeks and you gasped, plucking it from his hands and swatting him away.

“What are you doing, you’re going to make it worse,” you said, “very sweet but I’ll fix it myself.” He chuckled, sitting down in your chair and pulling you into his lap as you fixed the tear streaks and ran your fingers through your curls.

“So beautiful,” he mumbled, placing kisses to your shoulder and you smiled softly, standing and pulling him up with you.

“I’ll be right back,” you said, kissing him again and retreating to your closet where you picked out a set of strapless lingerie you’d bought a few weeks ago and slipped your dress on, walking back out and turning away from him, “zip me up?” you asked and you felt his fingers trail up your arm.

“Is that a bit of red lace I see?” he asked, slowly tugging the zipper up, “you’re killing me, honey,” he whispered into your ear before roughly turning you around and pulling you into him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said innocently, giggling as he rolled his eyes at you.

“Sure you don’t,” you escaped his grasp, grabbing your shoes and sitting on the edge of the bed to strap them on and he crouched before you, taking them and sliding them on, carefully fastening them into place as you watched in adoration. His hand trailed up your calf before pulling you up and twirling you around, “you are a sight for sore eyes, honey.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” you said, smiling up at him as his fingers brushed just under the hem of your dress.

“Where have you been hiding this thing?”

“You have Phoenix to thank for this,” you laughed and he promised you he would. You briefly thought you should have been freaking out. You should have been overwhelmed by what had come tumbling out of your mouth but you weren’t, you felt lighter than you had in weeks and you felt nothing but excitement at the idea of embarking on a night of celebration with him at your side.

You walked into the Hard Deck hand in hand with Jake, having just got into an argument about kissing you and disrupting your perfectly applied lipstick as everyone’s heads turned to face you. “Look at the lot of you,” Penny said shaking her head, “is the Navy only accepting movie stars these days?” She set a drink before you as you laughed, “this one’s on me, congratulations, Lieutenant Commander.”

“Thank you, Pen,” you blushed as you approached the rather dapper looking Dagger Squad. “I see everyone understood the assignment tonight,” you teased.

“Yes, and everyone finish their one drink, we are not wasting this on the place we wind up every night.” Phoenix ordered as Penny approached with her phone out.

“I’m going to try not to take offense to that. At the risk of sounding like a mom on prom night, everyone squish together, I want a photo of you on this most momentous occasion,” she said, gesturing you all to pose and Jake swiftly pulled you into him, his hand settling on your waist as you leaned against him and smiled for the photo before you all broke apart.

“I’m serious, you might be the woman of the hour but chug. There’s this super cute bar downtown and I want to go before it gets too crowded,” Phoenix said, gesturing to your margarita and you just looked up at Jake.

“And so it begins,” you said, tipping your head back and polishing off the drink, “oh fuck, that was spicy,” you wheezed and everyone laughed as you were whisked away to a rather swanky little bar that seemed a little too posh for what you were sure this night would entail. One shot turned into two, then three and suddenly you were on top of a table with Phoenix as you both drunkenly sang along to Beyonce, flipping off the camera Rooster had pointed in your direction. Your heel precariously slipped off the edge of the table, causing you to lose your balance entirely and before you could even process what was happening you found yourself in Jake’s arms as he just looked down at you amused.

“You doing alright, princess?” he asked and you beamed up at him.

“Wonderful. This is the perfect night,” you grinned and he leaned down to place a kiss on your lips, lipstick be damned, only pulling apart at the chaos it caused.

“Hold on.” Phoenix muttered.

“Oh, I fucking knew it,” Fanboy laughed.

“Are you guys blind? They walked in holding hands,” Rooster pointed out but it only added fuel to the fire.

“To be fair, I was distracted by her legs,” Phoenix said and you hid your face in Jake’s chest as he placed you back on solid ground. The group devolved into questions and Phoenix just gave you a look, grabbing your hand and pulling you to the bathroom to leave Jake to fend for himself.

“When did that happen?” she asked and you sighed as you leaned against the sink.

“After the banquet… he drove me home and we got ready together and I don’t know what came over me. I was telling him all the reasons why I didn’t want to and before I knew it I was telling him I was in love with him.”

“A big night for you, indeed,” she said, fixing your hair. “I really am so happy for you. This is good, and I’m not even going to tell you I told you so.”

“I think you just did,” you giggled before the two of you stumbled out of the bathroom with your arms linked.

“Come on you booze hounds, we’re switching locations,” Rooster said, slinging an arm over Phoenix’s shoulder as Jake navigated you out into the cool night air. The next bar was much more your speed, filled with people just as drunk as you all were and decorated modestly. It was the group's natural instinct to migrate to the pool table, overtaking it and claiming it as your own as you and Jake went head to head.

“Don’t think I’m going easy on you just because I got mushy earlier,” you said as you racked the balls and he just shook his head and laughed.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.” The game went as it always did, with the two of you hurling insults left and right but with the addition of subtle teasing on your part to throw him off his game. Just as he was lining up the winning shot you rested your hands on the pool table just in front of the eight ball, leaning forward and giving him what he considered to be the best view in the house. His eyes raked over you and even from your spot across the pool table you could see them darken but it only served as motivation instead of a deterrent, “as much as I love you, I’m not throwing the game that easily.” he said as he sank the ball and you groaned.

“I am not going to get used to hearing that,” Coyote said as you perched yourself on the edge of the pool table and pouted as he came to stand between your legs.

“Come on sweetheart, no one likes a sore loser.” he teased and you rolled your eyes, pushing him away.

“I am not a sore loser,” you protested.

“You are when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not that either,” you said, narrowing your eyes and he just laughed at you as he brushed your hair behind your ear.

“Oh princess, you are absolutely hammered.” He kissed the tip of your nose and you just smiled dopily at him.

“Okay, maybe I am…” you giggled as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into him. You breathed in his cologne as you clung to him and sighed in content as he placed a kiss to the top of your head before you pulled away to look up at him. “Everything is perfect, so very perfect.” you said, turning your gaze to look over your friends, smiling as you saw Rooster and Phoenix over at the dart board, Coyote and Fanboy talking to a pair of girls at the bar, and Bob sitting in a booth keeping a watchful eye over everyone.

“It really is, isn’t it?” he said, never moving his gaze from you as you lovingly looked at all of your friends.

“You cheeseball,” you said when you turned back to him and he just chuckled.

“Your cheeseball.” he said, cupping your face and pulling you in for a kiss, “I love you, darlin’.”

“I love you, too.”

previous part / next part

taglist: @potato-girl99981 @olliepig @roosters-girl @angelbabyange @loveforaugust @seriouslyseresin @sopheeg @shanimallina87 @laneyspaulding19 @djs8891 @zbeez-outlet @startrekfangirl2233

#Jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x you #jake seresin #jake seresin x you #jake seresin x y/n #jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #hangman #Hangman x Y/N #hangman x you #top gun maverick #top gun fanfiction

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likeadog · 6 hours ago

Note

really enjoying the geten + mla posting, when I read their arc they were very nothing burger to me but I love seeing ur thoughts

they honestly ARE pretty nothingburger-- curious had a thematically satisfying fight with toga but i feel she wouldve been a better one to keep around than, say, trumpet (sorry trumpet) but thats because as story constructs they have very specific roles and i think its fine! id like to know more esp about geten bc he ended up tied to the todorokis but i think they serve their purpose

however comma they do bring very interesting ideas to the table. actually for a very long time i deeply disliked geten for the whole. you know. darwinism thing. but after his last appearance i was like now hold on. hollllld on. this is very different from endeavors flavor of power obsession lets reassess this situation.

and his backstory is just really sad to me like we knew he hadnt gone to school because of his training but theres something about how sentimental and sympathetic he is when discussing it in 387 that it kinda clicks that hes a man (or boy) that has literally nothing other than his quirk and is not basing it on a hatred of weakness but rather on a desire to have a society that eliminates the seemingly arbitrary systems that resulted in his situation in the first place, and then you start thing about the OTHER implications, like okay, wait, schoochildren in japan start school at six. this means redestro came into possession of geten before he was six years old

hes also deeply aware of the condition of his family line and how he got there. to me, this reads not as him REMEMBERING these things, but rather him having been TOLD these things, likely by redestro. (which i could go on about and the name geten itself but) and its like, okay, well why would redestro tell him that? and you go, okay, hes never been to school, he knows redestro only as his benefactor and savior, he has no job, his family is not in his life, and you go

now hold on,

this child was isolated and used solely for his quirk, and says that without it, life has no other value-- because his life, in terms of assets or social capital, quite literally does not, a fact he is very aware of because of the man who benefits from him training his quirk

im not gonna get into the meta about each member of the mla and how they discuss liberation its long but either way, after hearing geten talk about the himuras and how peoples hearts need to change to accept the changing landscape of abilities (with the himuras bigotry contributing to their downfall), its like, oh my god, he thinks hes making a MERITOCRACY. which is very different from authoritarianism. which is not to say that his ideas are all coming from a good place like hes noted to be more than willing to commit friendly fire for the goal like if its not a "strong protect the weak" situation it is simply that "everyone has the opportunity to become strong and if they dont thats their own fault". its a ridiculously childish view of the world and entirely restricted to a narrow world view that was cultivated by the person who has complete control over his life and again, benefits directly from his disregard for human life and active willingness to kill en masse. woah!

and that? thats a little compelling thats interesting and i think the fact that like, hes clearly the victim of cult brainwashing makes him much more sympathetic and makes me want to see him have a chance at a life with some dignity howeverrrrr that does not dismiss the godawful ideologies hes internalized and the conclusions hes made about the world, which originate from a bizarre insular lifestyle and ergo are really interesting to explore.

also he really does remind me of the kinds of autistic dudes that are super into history and military strategy and like theyre not terrible people or anything but they do sometimes make explosives in their basement. i was friends w those guys in hs and in community college i think theyre interesting

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megsssshie · 2 years ago

Text

Ms. Perfect

FEATURING: fratboy!gojo satoru

CONTENT: nsfw,me,fingering,unprotected sex,name calling, rough sex, kinda non!con at first, mean mean gojo, my personal opinion on frat boys

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

A/N: this was kinda at little too personal when it came to frat boys! 3 days left thooo and i never thought id degrade myself like this what i do for myself-

I was invited by my dumb college friends to some stupid frat party for Halloween. I hate parties, I hate people. I would much rather be in my apartment reading, or watching some cheesy horror movie where all the characters die in absurd ways.

But here I was, standing in front of my full body mirror dressed in a way too revealing dark angel costume I managed to string together at the very last minute.

Apparently, the party was some grand event where stupid teenage girls went as an excuse to “let off steam” or ‘live a little’, which roughly translated to ‘i want an excuse to be a slut ,get drunk, and hook up with a random horny frat boy and catch god knows what from him!’ all enthusiastically. That could never be me. Out of all the people in the world, the ones I hate the most were frat boys. the list could go on and on about the reasons I hate them so much. but the most important was the biggest reason of them all.

they’re all idiots.

if hating frat boys was first on the shit list, idiots were the second.

I facetimed my best friend Emma, to check in on me when she would pick me up. she was the one who managed to convince me that going to this lame party would get me out of my shell, if there was a shell to be broken that is. to me, I didn’t have a ‘shell’, I was just introverted.

she picked up. “hey shorty— oooo you look so sexy, i bet all them sexy bitches are gonna foam at the mouth looking at you!” she geeked. I fought a smile. she’s always managed toget me in a better mood. “ugh, you bitch. you’re the one who wanted me to go to this dumb ass party. you know i hate the weirdos that host them.” I replied half joking.

she knew that I was slightly serious about what I was telling her, but she also knew deep down in her heart that I would have a good time. “oh come on Ash, you have to live sometime in your life. what would you even been doing right now? reading some stupid ass book while you could be getting laid?” I scoffed at her comment. “hey! books ARE better than boys. you know i hate the guys in the frat, i'm not going to have a good time.” I rolled my eyes. “when are you getting here”

“im basically outside your house, come outside dummy”

“ i’ll be out in a minute”

I hung up. ran to get my charger, headphones and everything else a girl needs to go for a night out.

I arrived at the party with my best friend Emma and she practically had a flock of 27 billion men approach her within the first 3 hours. she dragged me to the dance floor for a couple of songs we both enjoyed every once in a while. Though I would never admit it but I was enjoying myself. “aren’t you glad you came tiny?” she asked excitedly. I put my phone down and crossed my arms. “eh not really it’s kinda meh for me, but the guys sure seem to love you” I smiled. I was definitely happy for her, it just kind of stung to not have anyone look at me the same way they did her. I wasnt’t ugly that’s for sure, but my bestfriend happened to be the definition sexy asf . So that unfortunately made me look less attractive by comparison to other people. but I just had to suck it up, right?

“you’re not the only one shorty, someone’s been eyeing you up all night.” she smirked. “WHAT?!” I yelped, probably a little too loud for anyone’s liking. I felt the stares of at least a dozen people on you, but its not like the reaction was disingenuous. I never had been attractive to guys. so the surprise of the comment was indeed genuine. I would have never thought in a million years that a man would look at me next to your best friend.

in a hushed tone loud enough for only her to hear I asked “who?” she giggled.

“the cutie in the ghost face mask”

I turned in the direction she was nodding in. I saw a very attractive man in the mask. she wasn’t lying when she said he was cute. but it was kind of an under-exaggeration. he was hot. like extremely hot. not like I could see his face with that damn mask on but just by his demeanor he was hot. but that doesn’t excuse the fact that he looked like a man whore in that black tank top and grey sweatpants.

“fuck me”.

I shook my head violently. me and a man? never. I also hate men. that was probably the second reason I hate frats. but I definitely couldn’t deny he was for sure attractive. the way the tightness of the black cloth around his chest was almost just as sinful as the budding warmth in between my legs.

I was probably staring for a second too long because I heard “cutie approaching right fucking now.”

“oh shit”. I mumbled trying to calm myself before he gets to me.

why the fuck am I so nervous? I should be even giving this man the time of day, and yet here I was nervously sweating at the thought of him. I don’t get to finish my thoughtshoughts before you hear a “hey”

oh.my.fucking.god

his voice. his fucking voice. oh my god. you could of turned to mush at the sound of it. I would just love to hear how he sound when he’s inside of-

“sorry, did my beauty stun you darling?”

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at him. ‘ugh, great’ you thought. ‘another man ruined by opening his mouth’. third thing on the shit list was. cocky men.

“um, no. hi” I managed to get out, though it was barely audible. “i can’t even see how you look, how do i know your not lying to me about your ‘beauty’” I teased, a lot more confidently than before. I could see my best friend practically jaw dropped at the interaction from the corner of my eye.

what she and him didn’t know is that I am absolutely shitting my pants right about now.

he leaned in closer and gripped my chin. holy fuck was I trembling? ‘yeah, he’s hot’ . I was sort of scared and excited all at the same time. and I was sure he knew it too. he tipped my head around, almost like he was studying me. I couldn’t be more thrilled and disgusted at the same time. why was I letting this complete stranger touch me, let alone a frat boy. who even was I right now?

he essentially engulfed you with his shadow, standing so tall it was unfathomable. “you don’t have to see my face to know im gorgeous, angel. just know that i am and take it as fact”

“im gonna get a drink, you two have fun” your best friend chimed. I glared at her and then giving that ‘don’t leave me here, help me bitch’ look. “have fun~” she repeated walking away from the two of us. I was tempted to yell after her to not to leave me with this total stranger. ‘that fucking bitch left me with this asshole’, I internally grumbled. he seemed to notice my change in body language. “hey, don’t worry darling, i’ll take great care of you while that little friend of yours is gone.” he purred in my ear.

I replied sarcastically. “yeah because all of you frat boys are just incredible at taking care of girls.” he paused for a moment. “wow! honey, you think that low of me? i’m hurt” he stated dramatically, one hand on his chest, and the other snakes around my waist gripped tighty.

“well, my my angel, i’ll show you just how good i can treat you. maybe then it’ll shut that mouth of yours”

I grew nervous. what was he going to do to me? the thought of everything that simple sentence had me spiraling in arousal. I knew I shouldn’t have even been considering the possibility of what he would be doing. I knew damn well what he wants out of me. and frankly I didn’t care. I squeezed my thighs attempting to relieve the rapid thumping in between my legs.

“you don’t have to squirm darling, let me help you” he forces his knee up against the wall in between my legs . I whimper trying to keep all attention off of me at this very moment. the last thing I needed to do was be caught with someone like him. I attempted to push him off of me but he was too heavy for me. he left a trail of kisses from my jawline all the way to my collarbone. biting harder with each kiss. I wriggled around trying to push him off of me, scared to get caught.

“nuh uh, no resisting my love. you know just as well as i do that you want this” he purred. he was right I did want this. I wanted to be taken advantage of in front of all these people. the thought of it making the wet spot in my panties grow bigger and bigger. “shut the fuck up.” I muttered. he slightly backed away for a second.

“really now? is this what we’re doing now honey?” he sighed. “i bet your fucking hideous under that mask. maybe this is the only way you can even have a girl even slightly attracted to you-“ before I could even finish the sentence I jolted toward and felt his big hand gripped around my wrist. “hey! what the fuck are you doing asshole?! get the fuck off of me!” I yelped.

“i tried to be nice to you darling, but you just couldn’t be good for me huh”

I continued to hit and curse at him until I reached a bed room. he practically flung me to the full sized mattress on the other side of the room, before locking the door and marching towards me. that small mix of excitement and fear suddenly rushes back into me. I decide to be bitchy, not like that hasn’t worked for me before.

“what the actual fuck was that for you dickhead? that fucking hurt” I whined.

he suddenly gripped my jaw, your panties are sopping. “i tried to be nice with you doll, but you just had to ruin it with your bratty mouth. if you want to act like a bitch, i’ll treat you like one”

something about that threat scared me, but at this point I absolutely destroyed any type of common sense I may have had before entering the party was surely abandoned. so before I know it a statement I'd learn to soon to regret slips out of your mouth.

“so do it then, mother fucker”

without any sort of hesitation he pushes me hard, deeper into the bed and forcefully chokes me. I can’t even breathe and yet I hear yourself moaning. something about being treated like an object was doing it for me.

“you like being treated like a filthy whore,baby? yeah?” I nodded frantically, almost begging for him to continue.

his knees were on either side of me, keeping you from resisting. its not like I was going to anyway.

he removed his hand from my throat, and made his down into that black little mini skirt that went with my costume. he felt around a little bit until he found your clit and slowly rubbing it in circles. “ah fuck” I whimpered. “yeah? you like that baby? tell me how much you love it” he spoke, in an extremely demanding tone. “i love it when you touch me,baby” I said trying my best to hold back the noises trying to escape my mouth.

“tell me everything you want me to do to you and i’ll do it to you if you’re good” he said picking up the pace with his fingers, earning a low gasp from me.

“i want you to slap me. i want you to spit on me and call me a whore, daddy. make me your bitch” I said pleadingly. at this point, I didn’t give a damn how pathetic I sounded. he was too good at making me feel good. I may or may not regret it in the morning, but that’s a problem for future me.

“that’s my good girl, don’t your worry your pretty little head. i’m gonna make you feel real good tonight babe” he removed his finger from my clit and I whined at the lack of stimulation. but it was replaced with a sense of fullness. he inserted two of his lengthy fingers inside of me. lubed up with my slick and juices. he used the pad of his thumb to continue circling my clit.

I gasped loudly this time not holding back any of the noises I made. My eyes rolled back from the pleasure of him. he curled his fingers inside my pussy, carefully and slowly as if he was looking for something.

“OH MY GOD” I threw your head back, gripping the sheets. my tits bounced in response to me back arching and me squriming. “yeah? looks like i found your g-spot, take it bitch, take my fucking fingers inside of you”

he finally took off the mask and put it on the top of his head. I hate to admit it but he was right. he was gorgeous. he had those aquamarine blue eyes. god, it would look even more gorgeous looking up at me.

I couldn’t really pay attention to his features for too long before he took both of my legs over his shoulders, his hands having a heavy, almost painful grip on both of my thighs and started eating me out like it was his first meal in decades. his tounge was like magic. he was lapping my cunt up so good he had me staring. I was a moaning mess. I kept loudly rambling about how good it felt, my quivering legs clasped together with his head it the middle of my thighs.

“you’re being so good for me baby, you taste so good” the praise only made my moans grow louder. he moved his hand onto one of my tits squeezing my nipple and simultaneously sucking on my clit, having me practically screaming.

“baby, fuck, i’m gonna cum. please can i cum”

“cum for me darling”

soon I was seeing white and sobbing thank you’s

but that didn't stop eating me.despite my cry’s of pleasure and overstimulation. I was babbling about god knows what before he finally stopped.

I feel relieved but the relief is broken quickly by his words.

“we’re not done yet darling, i have so many more things i need to do to you.”

he hikes my skirt up and pulls your thong down to my ankles. then pulls my shirt down just enough for both my breasts to be exposed, he removes his shirt and sweats to expose his long hard cock. it was definitely big, scary big. I didn’t even know how it was possible for it to fit inside of me but I was dumb and painfully horny so it’s not like that was important right now.

“open your mouth” he demanded. I was confused but I didn’t question it. I obliged and I feel his saliva reach my mouth. you swallowed and opened your mouth again to show for it.

“good fucking girl” and with that he rammed his dick inside my sensitive pussy. I screamed “YES” with my eyes rolling back and pulling his body closer to mine, my nails clawing on his back. he bit my neck while he bottomed out and rhythmically thrusted in and out of me , his hand making its way around my neck. I hear his quiet moans in your ear, that was almost enough to make me climax right then and there.

he pulled out of me and flipped me on my stomach and grabbed my hair, pulling me towards him, forcing an large arch in my back. the wet slapping sounds continued to get more and more frequent. “who’s pussy is this?” he growled. “yours!” I exclaimed “say my name bitch” he moaned. “it’s yours daddy” I screamed. “that’s a good little slut. taking daddy’s dick like this? you like that yeah?”

“yes!” I sobbed, coming close to my orgasm. “please pound my pussy like the whore i am, pleasepleasepleasePLEASE” I rambled. he moaned, slapping my ass. he flipped me back into missionary, I whined at the loss of contact.

“i want to see your face when you cum” he said, putting the mask back on. he slammed himself into me, and thrusting much quicker than before. he spit on my face and his fingers made it back to my clit.

“oh my god, im gonna cum”

he didn’t go any faster or any slower, he just kept ramming his hard cock inside my dripping pussy. “cum for me angel, cum for me.”

my legs were shaking as the overwhelming sense of pleasure washed over my entire body, my babbles and tight cunt added onto his high. he didn’t stop thrusting, making me overstimulated and screaming. my brain turning into mush.

“fuck i’m gonna cum too baby” he moaned.

like he said, he did indeed cum. his semen spilling inside of me, me spamming from the feeling of his warm cum inside of me. I knew after this, there’s no way in hell I wasn’t pregnant after this.

he pulled his cock out of me, his cum dripping out of my pussy. he seemed mesmerized by the sight. I took my finger and scooped up some of the cum and put them inside my mouth.

he rushed around the room looking for a towel and cleaned me up.

“i hope whoever’s room this is, isn’t going to be too upset about this” he chuckled.

“this isn’t even your room???”I half laughed.

“nope,but on another note, i think i might of gotten you pregnant which is kind of hot” he said nervously

I laughed and said something even more embarrassing

“and this is probably way too late to ask, but what’s your name again?”

"Gojo Satoru, Gojo."

"Well Satoru Gojo, I had fun." I say winking.

#[暗闇]dark heaven #[選ぶ]ashies picks #[誕生日}---Ashiessspeakss<3 #gojo satoru #gojo jjk #gojo smut

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reanbowful · 2 years ago

Note

Boys with a tomboy reader please^^

I love you and your writing (//•/-/•//)

First of all, THANK YOU AAA!! I’m not sure what tomboy is like to other people but I will write it by how I define it. So it will be more on the personality than their looks.

“boyish”

if you have a boyish personality

*this was harder than I thought, I didn’t want the reader to feel like the ‘not like other girls’ stereotype so I made it like this

(gray, ben, gerard, alex, eugene)

gray yeon / yeon sieun

Suave

When Gray saw you, he noticed that you were unexpectedly more masculine than you appear.

You have certain tendencies to you that makes him feel like he’s talking to a dude(?) rather than a high school girl.

He noticed that you treated your girl friends very gently and that girls in general like you a lot.

“Come on Mijin! I need it for the test next week!”

“Y/N, I told you I’m also shit at biochem. Go ask someone from the upper class.”

“I don’t know anyone there.”

Gray was just passing by the hallway when he saw you and your friend.

“Ah, y/n. Go ask him, he’s at the top of the class.”

Gray shifted his eyes to the two of you, immediately alarmed when he saw a cleaning staff shift his phone just right under your friend’s skirt.

He was about to warn her when you beat him to it.

You grabbed the phone and covered the camera part. Not sure if he managed to take a picture or any sort of footage since you acted very swiftly, but that really could’ve ended very bad.

“Hey, mister. This is premium content, you know. It’s not for free!”

Your friend shifted in horror when she realised what had happen.

The man, humiliated and embarrassed, tries to grab the phone away from you. Which you of course, toss away. To who? The one and only, Gray Yeon.

“Yo! Run!”

Gray cursed under his breath when the man turned to him with crazy eyes and began bolting towards him.

And thus, Gray ran.

“I’ll see you outside!”

Long story short, as he was running, you tripped the man over. Went into his phone using his unconscious body’s face id. (it was quite jarring to see) And thanked Gray for helping you.

“Hey, thanks man. That was really cool of you.”

The way you tapped him on his shoulder as you casually deleted the man’s entire gallery really reminded him of Ben somehow.

I’m honestly not sure how Gray would react, maybe no more than a ‘Wow. They’re kinda cool.’

He will probably notice you more after that, and if you begin to get more involved into his everyday routine, Gray won’t be hesitant to welcome you into his inner circle.

ben park / park humin

Easy Camaraderie

You met Ben at the arcade.

You were both coincidentally playing Tekken on the machine across from each other.

Also coincidental, you’re both ass at it.

Inhaling sharply, you ‘gently’ slammed your hand on the side of the screen. Making it shake Ben’s machine, thus resulting in his loss. (he won’t win even without the distraction)

“Hey! Why did you do that, man?”

“Damn, sorry man, I didn’t see you there. My bad my bad.”

Ben would be slightly taken aback when he turned his head to see that you are a girl.

You raised your brow at him, an awkward pursed smile on your face when he looked your way.

“Oh, um. It’s fine. So, you play too? Any good at it?”

You stood on your chair. Looking over from above his cabinet, peeking at his screen to gauge his skill.

Oh and you thought you were bad, but this guy? This guy is absolute shit.

Scoffing, you jumped down from your chair, throwing an arm over Ben’s shoulder.

“Hm, I think I’m quite okay compared to you. I can teach you a few tricks if you want.”

Don’t fall for it, Ben.

“REALLY?!”

Oh, Ben.

You nodded. Throwing an optimistic thumbs up, completely unaware of just how much of a lost cause this man is.

Within 20 minutes, you could feel a migraine building up. You grimaced when Ben’s character dies yet again.

Ben frowned.

“It’s not working! What am I doing wrong?”

Technically everything.

You bit the inside of your cheek, scrunching your brows to find a way on telling him how much he suck at this game. And that he probably should play something else instead.

“Like, don’t take this the wrong way. But you really suck at this game. Like really bad.”

If he has dog ears, it would definitely lay flat on his head right now.

You nod, tapping his shoulder apprehensively.

It became a routine for you two to play with each other every Wednesday afternoon, every single week.

You would stay there for 4 hours, laughing at each other’s dumb jokes until your ribs ache. And leave exactly 10 minutes before closing time, bidding each other goodbyes with little sentiment over the interaction.

Well, that is until one of you finds themselves waiting eagerly for the next Wednesday to come.

(Idk what kind of dynamic this is, but I like it)

gerard jin / jin gayool

Lightheartedness

“YOU CRAZY BITCH!”

Gerard didn’t notice you at first, but him and the boys were out eating chicken at Ttosikki during one of his day offs.

And you, were also there. With your friends. Eating chicken in peace.

What’s funny about the whole interaction was that it was all a HUGE misunderstanding.

Basically what happened was that you were eating, right. And some sweet couple were just standing over at the street.

You have a weird habit of spacing out while eating, and you just so happened to face this specific couple.

You weren’t looking at them or anything specific really. You’re just.. spaced out.

The girl, however, is getting annoyed at the impression that you’re ogling her boyfriend.

Gerard was seated on the right end of the table, so he could see the whole shit go down in full hd. He knew something was gonna happen, but he doesn’t see why he should intervene since it wasn’t any of his business. And well, you guys are girls so.. he really doesn’t want to get involved.

When it seems like the warning glares the girl sent your way didn’t seem to faze you (once again, you just didn’t see her), she began to march her way towards you.

“Hey.”

“Huh?”

In complete shock, everyone watch as the girl took the can of coke from the table and proceed to pour them all over your head.

Your friend, shocked and also annoyed at the uncalled for action, shoved her away.

“Y-you! What the fuck was that for?!”

“Me? Maybe you should tell your friend not to ogle at other people’s boyfriend.”

At this point, everyone is now looking at your table. This even caught Gray’s attention which was a rare thing to see.

“What did you say now-“

Before your friend could do anything stupid, you pulled her aside and stood up.

Your uniform is drenched, so is your hair.

“It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Was all you said before pulling that girl into a bear hug, making sure to stick all surface of your skin together and really rubbing your hair in there.

“AHHH YOU CRAZY BITCH!”

“What? Wow, I even forgave you because you have a cute face. And you called me a ‘bitch’? Laundry is expensive, you know.”

With red face, the girl ran off pulling her boyfriend away with her while you laughed your head off with your friends at how ridiculous the situation was.

“They handled it really well, huh?”

Gerard watched intently, a small smile rising to his face at how you handled the situation.

“Yeah. That was very cool of them.”

alex go / go hyuntak

Mischievous

Alex was on his way to meet up with Ben when he saw you.

He merely took a glance at you while he was walking. You were talking to a somewhat sketchy looking older man, holding a pack of something(?)

Well, it’s none of his business.

Or was it?

After like ten steps away, Alex could hear the stomping of heavy heels. Through the corner of his eyes, he saw a gust of white. And then he was pulled.

“Wha-!!”

Alex was barely able to keep his balance when you yanked him through the street. He looked at you, then behind him.

The sketchy looking, now crazy looking mf was on fire chasing the two of you. Oh how great this luck of his is.

“WHY ARE WE RUNNING?”

“I’LL EXPLAIN LATER!”

You two ran into a corner alleyway, where you pant and lean back into the wall. Trying to catch your breath. Alex did the same.

“Yo. What the fuck was that?”

You hold your hand up. Retching a little, making Alex grimace.

“Ugh.. yea. So, what happened was-“

You explained to him how this very obvious looking conman was trying to sell you some bullshit. So you pretended to play along and humiliate him afterwards. Not knowing that this was not a conman. But a mf cultist.

“Wtf. So, why did he start chasing after you?”

“I told him it was my boyfriend’s idea.”

“Boyfriend? What do you- Oh fuck no.”

“There you are.”

The two of you turned to see the madman himself standing right there in the open air, looking like he’s ready to bash someone’s head in.

Your eyes widened in horror. But then your body remembered you had a parkour era and jumped straight up onto the red brick wall separating the alleyway.

“HEY BOYFRIEND! JUMP UP HERE!”

You stretched your arm out to Alex who gave a worried look, but hurried over to you when he saw the man approaching behind him.

With a high jump, you pulled Alex up to give him enough leverage to pull himself up and over the other side of the wall.

“I’m y/n by the way.”

“Fuck you, y/n. I’m Alex. By the way.”

eugene gale / seo juntae

Carefree

You and Eugene met when you volunteered in his aunt’s pet store for the summer.

From the get go, Eugene thought you are a very easygoing person. Your way of talking and handling people is very charming, he could see why his aunt likes you.

The two of you have an interesting relationship of friendship but not really.

See, it’s not hard for anyone to fall for you. Eugene is one of the many.

Maybe it’s the way you strike an easy conversation. Or in the way you bob your head, pretending you’re at a concert when it’s closing time and you’re cleaning all by yourself.

Whatever it was, it’s clear now. Eugene didn’t know when he fell for you, but that doesn’t matter now. What does is, what next?

Summer is ending soon, and you will go back to your life. As will he.

Something to note here is that you two never really interacted much than small talks and casual conversations. So he doesn’t even have your contact and socials.

Eugene decided to leave things as it is and just enjoy the moments that you have left in his life.

It was a casual Tuesday when he walked into the store and you were not there.

Looking at his confused expression, his aunt would explain that you started school already and have to stop volunteering.

It left a bittersweet feeling in his heart that your last interaction was left hanging. He doesn’t feel that.. closure in him thinking that he will just see you again but then you’re just.. not there anymore.

Taking his umbrella out, he began to walk home feeling oddly somber.

That is until he heard the busking band. The sound of guitar strums and raw drumming paired with the deafening rain in his ears tuned everything out.

Then he saw you.

All soaked and in the rain. Dancing your heart out. Not caring about how others see you. Laughing and having fun. Just completely free in the best way possible.

Eugene smiled.

You were in his life once. And it was unforgettably beautiful.

It’s time for another to experience your beauty now.

#weak hero manhwa #weak hero webtoon #weak hero x reader #ben park #alex go #gerard jin #gray yeon #eugene gale

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tsandoverwhelmed · 5 months ago

Text

just a little Carrie-Bradshaw-style reflecting on my trip to Chicago in june of 2024:

DAY 1:

realizing 3 hours into our 6-hour trip that i had left my wallet at home.

most of my shit was on my phone, but this meant that i wouldn't be able to get into bars womp womp.

friday night there is a drag show that I want to see, better time than never to get re-familiar to using the metro alone at night.

a man followed me home on the brown line 2 years ago, the closest i've been to violence in a minute.

I go to the drag show and act all cutesy, talked to a door guy, then a bigger door guy, then the guy who owned the bar who told me I could come in if I agreed not to drink :^)

the show was so good, Chicago drag really does it different, but unfortunately I wasn't able to get any singles for tips w/ no physical card :^( but I hooted and hollered and took some really good videos of some beautiful performances.

went home alone on the Metro at night, had to constantly remind myself that my fears and anxieties of being harassed aren't something I'm going to let myself stop me from experiencing things around me! I stayed frosty and watched my back, took selfies in the same window I always do.

DAY 2:

The next day it's up early and we're going to PRIDE. a large part of this trip was going somewhere different for pride rather than experiencing the one hosted in my native St Louis, which receives large sums of money from Boeing which also makes bombs that kill children.

surprisingly the amount of people there does not seem to rival St Louis, at times feeling even smaller than St Louis's downtown pride event. there are three stages, each catering to a different queer experience. the stage for the oldest attendants is a quirked up band playing classic rock covers, the mid-tier stages cover band playing lady gaga katy perry pride classics, and the third stage, near and dear to my heart was house and electronic.

the large crowd was dancing very hard, joyous gay boys all around me, one of them dancing with a small Ken doll that he stuck in my cleavage at one point. we had the Ken doll smoking joints and doing poppers with us it was adorable. I could have stayed and danced forever but it was very hot and sweaty and my friends wanted to go home.

that night it is raining and there is an event happening that I was eager to attend. a club dancey house music event at the drag bar I went to the night previously. ID-less i traveled through the rain in a cute little mesh outfit nervous and eager to convincingly work my way into the bar like I did the night before. in true Shakespearean tragedy there is a different bouncer and a different group organizing the event, it is 21 plus and there is no way I can get in.

feeling dejected and broken, i sit outside of the venue getting rained on recontextualizing my entire life. i think about getting a drink at a bar but feel so neutered by my lack of legal identification, i accept defeat and take a long rainy metro home. that night I sit at home with my friends, we watch sex and the city and i remind myself that the people I came here with are a large part of my experience on this journey, and smoking weed and hearing them laugh fills me with joy that feels the same in every city.

DAY 3:

the next morning we wake up and it's the main reason I came to chicago: The Kathy Osterman gay beach. I've been to this place before and it was fabulous, a soft sanded beach with beautiful views of skyscrapers juxtaposed against vast void of lake Michigan. I eagerly woke up first and bought duncan breakfast for all of us to motivate late morning friends to hit the water with me. the day was spent feeling the love and warmth of my friends as we described what we would look like if we were mermaids and smoked a blunt under the hot sun on the beach.

the day goes on and my friends leave, I get a light cheap lunch and return to the beach for a lakeside drag show. while sitting and taking in the ambience before the show I decide to start reading the book I brought for the trip, Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters. I make it one page in before receiving a text from my friend who recently moved to Chicago telling me that she sees me. I move my towel next to her and we spend time catching up and reflecting on her passage from St Louis to Chicago. I missed hearing her voice and the way that she told jokes, as another trans woman she understands many things about existing here the same way I do and it's relieving to be able to talk to her about this.

the drag show starts and again, I'm floored. euphoric at this identificationless experience in such a natural place, the charming banter from the hosts and the elegant movements of the performers backlit by the warm orange and pink of the Chicago sunset. at the end of the show it is around 8:00, music is playing and I'm walking back and forth in the water hoping that one or two of my Chicago drag crushes might find the confidence to introduce themselves to me, a total stranger who they have never met lmao.

yea that doesn't happen so instead I get on a near-hour-long bus ride to a movie theater showing a late night showing of inside out 2. I'm not quite sure what drove me to this place, but the movie theater has always been a comfortable choice for me to make when I want to be in a community without needing any social pressure.

micro-review of Inside Out 2:

The movie was cute, visually stunning and the plotline was some cute coming of age Pixar Disney nonsense. still brought a tear to my eye during a scene depicting the protagonist having an anxiety attack. I am particularly sensitive to the ways in which modern kids movies depict anxiety, cuz I think it is helping kids a lot in understanding how to process large emotional breakdowns. many of the children I work with experience anxiety attacks to some capacity and I think it's cool that movies are helping kids develop the tools for processing things like that. 3 stars.

long bus ride home around midnight and I feel accomplished with how able I am to get myself around the city independently, even alone at night, and how I manage to have an incredibly fulfilling day without my need for state identification.

DAY 4

the next morning my ID arrives in the mail, having been sent to me by my brand new roommate who is now the coolest person ever. I'm happy to be able to explore Chicago unimpeded.

the next morning we are hitting up andersonville, a cute neighborhood of queer owned shops. spent the day looking at poetry sections in bookstores, and flipping through overpriced high fashion thrift skirts in resale shops. wound up buying a collection of sappho's poetry, I guess being here has me feeling romantic.

My friends leave and I plan on going to a park that I have heard much about, Humboldt Park. as I navigate to what I believe is that, I reach my destination and realize that I have brought myself to Humboldt Park the neighborhood, not the park. no big deal, it's a 36-minute walk and a beautiful sunset day so I decide to walk.

[TW] The next part of the story is hard to share but I feel like it is important to reflect on these experiences. as I'm walking through this neighborhood I hear a loud voice yell behind me. they are yelling "HEY" repeatedly, I keep my head down and don't react or respond. I hear them yell "OH SO IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THAT HUH?" I keep walking and a few blocks later see two young men walk out of an alleyway towards me. they crossed the street to the other side where I am quickly while shouting at me " HEY YOU RIGHT THERE" in a quick panic I rapidly walk forward where I see a group of people selling snow cones and elotes on the street corner. I walk up to them quickly, turn around and the two men approaching me were gone.

now I cannot say that I 100% knew what the intentions of these men were, I cannot say with 100% certainty that they wanted to harass or hurt me, I'm very aware that I have anxieties around these things based on previous experiences. it is very suspicious to me that they disappeared as soon as I was around other people. instead of panicking I took a deep breath and called a lyft to pick me up and take me to my friend's house. I stayed near people until they arrived.

THE BATH HOUSE:

that night I had been invited to an event by my friend at the beach the night before, a trans girl night at a local bath house. I had never been to a bath house before but was eager for new experiences and determined to not let my encounter earlier that day stifle my Chicago experience, so I walked through a light thunderstorm to take a bath with a bunch of gay dudes. this wound up being one of the most empowering and profound experiences I think I've ever had or something like that. luckily arriving at the exact same time as my friend, I was able to have an emotional anchor nearby and someone who could show me the way to the smoke room. after smoking a cigarette for the first time ever, I was feeling comfortable enough to walk to the bath.

i'm now going to describe the four hookups I had that night, [warning if you don't want to read that]

~ the first was a dude named Jay. he approached me very quickly, and while he was not exactly good looking I have always said that confidence is like 99% of the game so I wound up hooking up with him right off the bat. I didn't go back to his room, I told him I wanted to look around. not sure if he would respect my boundaries or not, I was pleasantly surprised that he left me alone.

~ the second was a guy whose name was Mike. he was very shy but very cute, I approached him and he seemed very nervous. we made small talk, he was from out of town too and had never been here before. he confessed to me that he is a virgin. I told him I wasn't trying to have sex that night but I was willing to have fun. he asked me what that meant and I asked him if he wanted to find out. I went back to his room. at one point i ask him if he's ever been with a girl. he says no, then corrects himself "wait, do you mean like a real girl or ?" he didn't last long.

~ the third was a dude whose name I honestly don't remember lmao. he came on to me pretty quick and was honestly very good looking and a bit younger than many of the men who were there. it became very clear to me at a point that he was primarily interested in me doing things to him in crowded rooms while other people watched, which I might have felt a way about normally but Mama was ready to put on a show. eventually all of the attention that we were getting from people around us was a lot so I left and went somewhere else.

~ the fourth dude was named Samir, reminiscent of the first, an older man who was riding almost entirely off of charisma. he was very eager to dote over me and place his hand on my lower back, something the other men seemed to be afraid to do. while he was not very good looking he was very charming, I asked him if he had a room. he didn't, but offered to buy one for us, I told him that wasn't necessary. he wound up taking me to a bathroom. I'm going to leave it there, but I'll say that dude was eager.

BONUS: following this encounter I'm using a drinking fountain that has mouthwash in it, when a young trans girl next to me asks me how my night is going. I had seen lots of girls walking around that night, but most of them were either in small clicks with each other or talking to one of their many suitors. this girl's name was Christina. she began our conversation by talking about how this event has made her realize she is much more interested in women than men. we spent a lot of time talking and laughing, she had a tattoo on her thigh that was an abstract a depiction of 9/11. told me she was kind of a conspiracy theorist, I started talking to her about how I was certain that aliens were real. the friend who told me about the event joined us in conversation at one moment and the three of us all began talking about our wildest conspiracy theories. this was a real moment of trans girl love and I hope that girl is doing well. she was cute as fuck and was wearing a leash the whole time. I'm just saying.

the end of the night I leave, it is around midnight and I navigate home, reading small portions of sappho's poetry whenever I'm waiting for my stop. feeling deeply connected to this city and of the queer culture in it. the bath house was an incredibly empowering experience, after having many bad experiences with male attention in my life, some very recent, it felt so divinely beautiful to be able to walk through a room and feel men praising me. feel men looking with desire at my hips and breasts. being in a space that allowed me to take ownership over my relationship to male attention was something I really greatly benefited from. I was on the fence about going to this event during a thunderstorm but I'm grateful that I chose to experience.

DAY 5:

the next morning my friends and I get brunch at a Mexican restaurant, the best meal I've eaten all week. spinach green onion feta cheese frittatas with street corn.

i take a very large amount of LSD and go to the contemporary art museum. on the metro I'm finally starting to read Detransition Baby, The story is beautifully written and it's a very clear why people compare this book to Stone Butch Blues. the contemporary art museum has a teacher discount and is incredibly gorgeous, the exhibitions are stunning. I feel at home in an art museum in any city, in Chicago's dedication to art is so present in their art museums. beautiful video art displays and exhibits on form and human body shape.

i run home quickly, change into my swimsuit and head to the beach for a "trans girl beach night" organized by the same group that organized the event at the bath house the night prior. I metro out to the beach, I've never been here at night before in the view of the twinkling buildings over the dark reflective Waters of lake Michigan was divine.

i find it hard to talk to any of the other trans girls who are there. many of them seem to already be in an existing group of friends and know each other deeply, it's hard as someone from out of town to feel comfortable walking into a group of people and saying hi. I'm also still tripping quite a lot at this point. I wind up spending a lot of the night wading around in the cool waters and admiring the stars above me, shining skyscrapers around me, and sounds of trans women laughing and smoking cigarettes on the beach. I'm attempting to decide whether I should stay longer or go home and rest before traveling home, and two girls next to me are just going at it. unfortunately their proximity to me is separating me from the rest of the group so I can't even look at the other attendees there without getting an eyeful of these two girls going to town. at one point one of the organizers, an artist I recognize, tells the two girls they can't do that on the blanket they are on, as it belong to somebody else. they loudly complain, to which the organizer tells them "I don't know what you want me to say, it's someone else's blanket!" at this point I can hear the Larry David music playing and I decided it is time to go home.

walking through the park at night, many dark bushes corridors and alleyways around me, I reflect on my relationship to my personified boogeyman in my head. he bears the face of the man who followed me 2 years ago, and if I look into any dark alleyway long enough I start to see the shape of him. maybe some version of this man has lived with me my entire life, but a large part of my trip to Chicago was proving to myself that i'm not going to have my life be confined or agoraphobic from the fears of others' harassment.

i'm writing all of this as I walk home from the Metro, my ass and tits are covered in sand and I'm picking up snacks for my friends on the way home. this trip has done a lot for me, and maybe it's just the Carrie-Bradshaw-Sex-and-the-City of it all, but I wanted to spend some time reflecting on the experiences I had here. someday I will be older and it will be hard to experience as much of the world as I can right now. I can hear the voice of the 100-year-old-ancient-grandma version of myself, telling me to go out and go and feel the city as much as I can while I can.

I love being in cities, I love being around people, I love bright lights loud sounds and neon signs, I love hearing others laugh kiki lovingly with each other, I love being in queer spaces and around trans community,

I love how the Moon is visible no matter where I am.

#diary #chicago

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